21 Secrets for your 20s

Welcome to AllGroanUp.com by Paul Angone – a place for those asking “what now?” Find out at the bottom of this article how you can snag for free the first five chapters from my new book “All Groan Up: Searching For Self, Faith, and a Freaking Job!” (Zondervan) and chapters from my debut book “101 Secrets For Your Twenties” (Moody). 

 1.  Never looking at your budget and never making a budget is the exact same thing.

2.  The possibility for greatness and embarrassment both exist in the same space. If you’re not willing to be embarrassed, you’re probably not willing to be great.

3.  Feel no shame in seeking help from a counselor or therapist. We all have crap we try to wrap and hide under the Christmas tree. Get rid of it before it smells up your entire holiday.

4.  All job listings on Craigslist lead you to a warehouse in downtown LA “wearing something nice with shoes you can walk in”.

5.  Don’t ever, ever check Facebook when you’re:

A. Depressed21-Secrets-for-your-20s

B.  Drinking.

C.  Depressed and Drinking.

D.  Unemployed.

E.  Anytime after 9:17 pm.

F.  Struggling with being blessed with singleness while all your friends seem to be blessed with 2.4 kids and that blazing white-picket-fence shining with the glory of Jesus Christ himself.

6.  All those amazing college friends you swore you’d never lose contact with after college yeah, well, you might lose contact. Moving all over the country, getting married, having kids, all make that forty-five minute conversation with your sophomore roommate a little more complicated than it used to be over a game of Mario Kart. Making and keeping friends in our twenties takes intentionality.

7.  Your twenties will produce more failures than you’ll choose to remember. The key is when you fail, don’t begin calling yourself a failure.

8.  Every break up has two break ups. I’m no physicist, but this is a law of physics, of this I am certain. Yes you’ll have the first tearful “It’s over” sitting in the front seat of your Honda or on a park swing. Then 1-2 months later after there’s “been talk”, you’ll have the “real breakup” because she forgets to call like she used to or he checks out the waitress like he’s a judge for Miss USA. And gird those loins because in the second break up there will be a lot more breaking.

9.  The Freshman-Fifteen is nothing compared to the Cubicle-Cincuenta. Don’t sit at your computer perched like a Roman gargoyle. Don’t let office birthday cake be forced on you like a cigarette behind your middle school. Bust out before your butt does.

10.  And yes, cubicles don’t make sense to anybody other than upper-management. I would be willing to bet that only 3% of all “Cubicle Americans” actually have a positive outlook on life. And half of that 3% is stealing from their company.

11.  If at some point between 22 – 27 you feel like you’re six years old again, lost and alone at the San Diego Zoo (it’s a big-frickin-zoo), frantically searching for a familiar face — hold tight, you’re experiencing a bit of a Quarter-Life Crisis. Stay put. Pray a lot. And in no time someone will call your name across the loud speaker to tell you where you can be found.

All-Groan-Up-Searching for Self, Faith, and a Freaking Job!“You’re not alone in this twentysomething struggle…”

Find hope, humor, and inspiration for your twenties in Paul Angone’s new book All Groan Up: Searching For Self, Faith, and a Freaking Job! 

12.  Reckless drinking and reckless flirting have a direct correlation. Friends don’t let friends drive, or flirt, drunk.

13.  If you grew up going to church, at some point in your 20’s you’ll probably stop going to church. If you grew up with faith as a central part of your life, at some point in your twenties faith might move to the outskirts of town next to the trailer park and three-legged squirrel refuge. Your twenties are a process of making faith your own apart from your parents and childhood. Sometimes that means staggering away so you know what you’re coming back to.

14.  Don’t ever begin dating someone you first met whilst in swimsuits. Doubly-don’t if you’re both in swimsuits whilst holding an alcoholic beverage.

15.  Obsessive Comparision Disorder is the smallpox of our generation. 9 out of 10 doctor’s agree this disorder is the leading cause to eating a whole sleeve of Oreo’s while watching Real Housewives of OC. Say no to obsessive comparison disorder before it starts. Remember everyone’s too busy putting a PR spin on their Facebook profile to care much about yours.

16.  Life will never feel like it’s “supposed to”. Being twentysomething can feel like death by unmet expectations. However, let me be so brash to say that you are right now, at this moment, exactly where you need to be. But you’ll only be able to see that five years and thirty-eight days from today.

17.  You might have your first kid and realize what it’s like to be young, a parent, and have no freaking clue what you’re doing. And for the first time in your life, you also might actually understand your parents for the first time.

18. Marriage WILL NOT fix any of your problems. No, instead marriage will put a magnifying glass on how many problems you really have. We grow up carrying bags with our insecurities, fears, bad relationships, problems with our parents — you name it. Begin to ditch these bags now. Newly married and living in a small apartment is no place to store a luggage set full of shiz.

19.  An assortment of crappy jobs are a twentysomething rite of passage. Figure out what you need to learn there and learn it. If you don’t, an assortment of crappy jobs might be your thirty, forty and fiftysomething rite of passage as well.

20.  Great ideas alone mean nothing. Your ability to persevere through 16 major setbacks, a lack of passion, forgetting why you started this great idea in the first place, and all the people who allude that your great idea is actually quite terrible — well, that means everything.

21.  The grass is always greener on the other side, until you get there and realize it’s because of all the manure.

Bonus 22: Snag 80 more secrets for your twenties and much more in my debut book 101 Secrets for your Twenties (Moody Publishers).

Or if you want more of a taste test, you can snag FREE chapters from my debut book 101 Secrets For Your Twenties and the first five chapters from my new book All Groan Up: Searching For Self, Faith, and a Freaking Job! Plus weekly inspiration and advice all by clicking here.

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Like advice from a wiser, funnier, older brother Paul's been there, done that, and wants to save you some pain and some trouble.

– Seth Godin, New York Times bestseller and author of The Icarus Deception

  • http://Website Gio

    Every line of #9 is gold hahah. Thanks.

    • admin

      Thanks Gio!

    • http://twitter.com/shalom08 Shalom

      Number 9 is no joke! (Especially if you work in an office/cubicle) hahaha

  • http://Website Hayley

    My 30th birthday is exactly 5 years and 38 days away. That is creepy. I also expect to full understand my life on that day.

    • admin

      Ha. I hear ya, and I’m 335 days away from mine

  • http://Website Paul j Sweeney

    Hahaha, these WERE terrific!! I’m WAaaaaaaay past my 20’s…closer to my 70’s, to be honest; but, I would’ve sworn that my 20+ year old daughter would’ve contributed to these…

    • admin

      Thanks Paul. Glad you could relate!

  • http://Website Sariah

    An absolutely dead on and EXCELLENT list of tips! Thank you for sharing such golden nuggets of truth.:)

    • admin

      Thanks Sariah. Golden nuggets of truth and wisdom-stuffed pearls of wisdom, are my favorite.

  • http://Website Brigid

    Love these tips, but PLEASE change “loose” to “lose” in number 6.

    • admin

      Well since you asked so nicely :). Done and done. Thanks Brigid for the heads up and comment.

      • http://Website Paul J Sweeney

        Brigit’s comment of 7/23 and your response, same date; the second line/phrase of #6, “…you might LOOSE contact” (should read- you might LOSE contact..)

  • http://Website Will Smith

    This is amazing! I’m 22 and just started a graduate program. It’s nice to get news like this from the other side, haha.

    • admin

      Thanks Will

  • http://Website Kamaren

    God bless you. I just turned 20 but i’ll be graduating college spring 2013 and Lord knows I’m already feeling helpless. haha :) i’ll probably print this out and put it on my refrigerator.

    • admin

      Thanks Kamaren! There is hope for sure

  • http://Website Tiffany

    This was awesome pretty much everything im going thourgh right now and im 26. # 10 is my favorite :)

  • http://Website Melanie

    Im pushing 40 but read this with the familiar pangs of being in my twenties. Its all the truth. My 20’s were a nightmare but everything I took from them made my 30’s phenomenal…it all works out if we don’t give up. Thanks for posting.

    • admin

      Thanks Melanie. Words of wisdom right there. Not sure we realize the amount of training that takes place in your 20’s. Preparation so that you’re ready for your dreams, not so you can start living them right away.

      • http://Website Mindi

        Definitely what I needed to read today! Thanks for your wisdom: especially #7, #11, #19. We WILL make it thru :)

  • http://Website Kerry

    HAHA! I think this is one of my favorite posts. :) Actually I found Marcus a really great job in lending on Craigslist- it was like the diamond in the rough,.. he does have to carry brass knuckles sometimes but I think he likes that part.

    • http://allgroanup.com Paul | All Groan Up

      Kerry – Ha! Nice. You have the magic touch.

  • http://aninnovativepursuit.blogspot.com Holly

    This is perhaps the best blog post I have read so far. I am almost 24 years old, and almost every single bit of this I read is my life right now.

    • admin

      Wow. Thanks Holly for the compliment

  • http://Website LeeAnn

    Love this! Made me laugh but also great words of wisdom! Thanks for starting my hump day off with a laugh!

    • admin

      Thanks LeeAnn for starting my hump day with your comment! You’re awesome.

  • http://Www.thegreenwichgirl.com Laura

    This is SO BEYOND AMAZING and SO TRUE. Thank you for posting this. xx Laura aka Greenwich Girl

    • admin

      Awesome. Thanks Laura

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  • http://Website Anna

    I really needed to read this! I’m living #15, obviously suffering from obsessive comparison disorder haha. I’m 24 with a job I love and a great relationship, but still living at home, paying off debt, and I just started my master’s degree…sitting here seeing (what seems like) everyone else I know get married, buy a house, have kids, do all the things I want to do (#16- “death by unmet expectations”). This reminded me that…there is still so much time ahead of me and I will do those things, all in good time!

    • admin

      Well said Anna. Sounds like you’re living proof of being exactly where you need to be.

  • http://Website Maddie

    This actually made me a little depressed

  • http://thewayiknowitxox.blogspot.com/ Miss I

    This is totally awesome!!! We all needed to hear this :)

  • http://Website Kidada

    Number 13 really spoke to me. I turned 21 at the beginning of the year and my faith/religion has not been like it used to be and I’m starting to develop my own faith and beliefs

    • admin

      Thanks Kidada. Definitely wrote that one from my own personal experience. I went through a season of asking myself, God, and church some hard questions. I needed to understand what my faith was even about if I was going to honestly say I believed it.

  • http://Website Full of life

    Oh how I wish I had read and believed this in my twenties.i am 37 and sadly spent my twenties living a life of sadness because it was not where it was supposed to be. Then got trapped into buying a house be cause all of our friends were and that was a financial disaster.

    • admin

      Thank you for sharing this perspective and compliments. Definitely a great reminder that the lies of “supposed to” are powerful.

  • http://Pinterest adnama

    With my 27th birthday rapidly approaching… in two days to be exact, this may have been just what I needed to counteract my mid “mid-life” crisis! LOL! Great Job!

    • admin

      Awesome. Thanks adnama. Oh, and happy birthday!

  • http://blueskyandhardrock.com meagan

    Clicked here from Pinterest thinking I would find at least one thing that was incredibly moving and exactly what I needed to hear/read. . .

    well I found 3 and one of them that brought me to tears (#20 and happy tears).

    So- thanks for sharing this comforting wisdom. . . though I still dread 30 =P

    • admin

      Wow. Awesome Meagan. Thank you. Your comment made my day.

  • http://www.postcollegemadison.blogspot.com Madison

    I’m a recent college grad and dealing with the woes of adulthood that have just been thrown upon me. This list is amazing, and definitely something I enjoyed reading. It’s nice to know that even though my life isn’t were I thought it was “supposed to be” at this time that I’m exactly where I should be. And I can agree, never date someone you met while in a swimsuit and holding an alcoholic drink!

    • admin

      Thanks Madison for the stellar comment. Well said.

  • http://Website Brandi

    Thank you for this.I too came from Pinterest and it alleviated my usual morning misery and probably will from now on until I hit 30.

    • admin

      Thanks Brandi!

  • http://Website Jennifer

    Just turned 25 two days ago and am experiencing my quarter life crisis. I thought I was the only one! Thanks for the awesome list!

    • admin

      Thanks Jennifer! You’re definitely not alone

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  • http://Website This Guy

    Being married at 23 and owning a home before your 25th (and most recent) birthday makes it hard for people to treat you like you’re not older than you are. I forget sometimes that I’m not 40, and the incredible amount of turmoil is actually pretty natural. Thanks for that.

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  • http://www.erinashleymakeup.com Erin

    Great post! So true… and things we all need to be reminded of from time to time!

  • http://www.boospire.com Julianne

    Haha I had to laugh when reading this. I can definitely relate! Married, three kids, feel like a five year old most of my life, and I definitely don’t know what I’m doing!!!

    • admin

      Ha. Thanks Julianne! I officially deem you a member of the Groan Up Alliance

  • http://Website MacKenzie

    I’m 22 just turned 22 in June..and I have to agree with these!

  • https://www.facebook.com/#!/andreagnelson Andrea

    Almost 27 and wish I had such a list years ago. So far, my 20s are giving me time to learn through courageous trials and epic, humiliating errors. Your phenomenal reflections incorporating just the right touch of self-depreciating humor are totally relatable and appreciated.

    • admin

      “Courageous trials and epic, humiliating errors”

      That could be the official twentysomething slogan. Love it. Thanks Andrea

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  • http://Website Lucretia

    I am 26 years old and just teared up/cried the whole way through it. I just thought I was a mess without hope…relieving to know I’m not alone. Thanks for the words of wisdom :0)

    • admin

      Lucretia – I knew that feeling all too well at 26. It gets better. I promise. Keep listening for your name across the loud speaker. It will be called soon.

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  • http://nowebsite Abigail

    Loved every bit of this list. The wonders of Pinterest, you never know where you will end up haha.
    And thanks for taking the time and care to post it for those feeling somewhat lost without direction, it’s really appreciated! It’s a rariety in our day.
    Sometimes the hardest thing to do is realise we’re not bullet proof and leave everything in God’s perfect and capable hands.

    • admin

      Thanks Abigail. You’re right on all accounts.

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  • http://Website Heather

    You have no idea how much I needed to read this. I just graduated college and moved two states away from anyone I know to start a job. I definitely feel lost and a little afraid. And several of my friends are getting married and they all seem to be living the dream…thank you for pointing out the fact that everyone tailors their FB profile to have this affect on insecure nomads like me. And about the faith thing: you are spot on. I just came back to mine and now it is truly mine; not my parents’. I’m still waiting for that intercom announcement however; hopefully I can figure out who ‘I’ am before the whole world swallows me up! Thanks for the advice…it is seriously the divine intervention that I was praying for.

    • admin

      Heather – Kudos to you for exploring the unknowns of your 20’s apart from the comfort and safety of what is familiar. That’s not easy, but gosh are you going to learn so much about who you are and what you’re capable of.

  • http://Website Kristin

    This is really great. I’m nearing the end of my twenties and this definitely sums up the craziness of changing jobs, changing homes, changing friends, changing relationships, changing yourself, everything. I will say, though, that #14 made me laugh. I met my fiance at a beach party and we’ve been together for 7 years haha!

    • admin

      Kristin – Well said. Change is a twentysomethings only constant.

      And hats off to you for skirting #14. Well played. Beach wedding? Swimsuits optional?

  • http://www.memoirsofamillennial.com/ Sarah Simpkins

    Just ran across this blog for the first time, definitely forwarding this article to all my 20-something friends. Also, number 1 couldn’t be more true: and having Mint on your iPhone doesn’t count as having a budget…. unfortunately. Watching your money dwindle=not budgeting. Believe me, I know that one too well!

  • http://offsetinnocence.wordpress.com Dave

    Wow I loved this so much haha. Looks like the next few years are going to be bucket loads of fun.

  • http://Website Andrew

    I am 32 and honestly 30 isn’t that scary. Don’t get me wrong when I turned 30 I was like well crap my 20’s are over, but my 30’s is when all the pieces of my life started to come together. Everything I learned in my 20’s prepared me for the changes I needed to make in my 30’s. So don’t fear your 30’s embrace it. You might end up starting an adventure you would have never thought of in your 20’s.

    • http://Website Alissa

      Yes! Do not fear the 30s! I’ve found 30s are when you finally learn to understand, accept, and capitalize on who you are. This leads to having the courage to try new things and step out of comfort zones, and embracing and enjoying your own personal quirkiness. :)

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  • http://www.amelitraining.com Kian

    Love this Paul!

    Lots of things to think about as I enter into the last few years of my twenties and this article adds some direction. Thanks for the great words

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  • http://Website Whitney

    Definitely appreciate this being a 26 yr old working with a bunch of 21-22 yr olds…currently having my self evaluating quarter life crisis…

  • http://Www.therealpostgrad.com Shikole

    Number 14 made me giggle because that is how I met 3 of the last 5 men I have dated.

  • admin

    Sarah — Thank you for the kind words and for sharing.

    “Watching your money dwindle=not budgeting” Too funny and well said!

  • admin

    Thanks Alissa and Andrew for the 30’s votes of confidence! Yeah, I’m actually pretty excited about 30 too. (amidst slight panic attacks)

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  • http://Website John

    This is absolutely wonderful. Number 11 is a gem. So glad I’m not alone!

  • http://Website Samantha

    #12, I whole-heartedly disagree with, I’m sorry. But your 20s are for making mistakes, and what is wrong with making a fun mistake every now and then? :) As for #19, I’ve just realized this one myself. To not get depressed over the crappy dead end job and just take from it what I can so I can get something better next :)

  • http://Website Lil L

    Definitely a wonderful article! I jut hit 25 not to long ago and its been a very bumpy ride through my 20’s with getting married, buying a house and suddenly not having steady work. #16 has definitely spoken true to me for my 20’s! Also living in the tiny one bedroom apartment is definitely a test to any relationship (but somehow we survived it!)

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  • http://Website Alicia

    I about died when I read these! #9 is fantastic and I feel #11 & #16 far more frequently than I would like to. I am glad I am not the only one who has felt or feels these different instances. No one ever warns you about what an emotional disaster your 20’s can be! 4 years, 10 months and 4 days until my 30th birthday! Cant wait to look at my 20’s through the rear-view mirror in my executive car! (I am hoping to at least! Hahaha)

    • admin

      Ha! Thanks Alicia. Glad these resonated.

      “No one ever warns you about what an emotional disaster your 20′s can be!”

      Well said. And all too true.

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  • http://Website Bryndi

    This was honestly the first time I have been able to TRULY laugh about this ‘shiz’ storm called my 20’s. Hysterically laughing in my office (not cubicle) because everyone says this is the best time ever! Lies- this is hard, I mean, who wanted to grow up anyway? I have obsessive comparison disorder because of ‘death by unmet expectations’. WOW thanks for this. It made my day. Sharing with my compadres who can relate…

  • http://Website Krissy

    This was like the best thing I’ve read in a while. These were SO ME.

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  • http://Website Hollie

    Seriously laughed out loud several times reading this. thanks for the laughs. and truths. sometimes reality is funny. 😉

  • http://Website mia

    This is actually very useful and so applicable to me. Thank you for writing it.

  • http://Website Klariske

    I’m sooooo loving these. I have just under a year left of my 20’s but still feel like I haven’t grown up!! hahaha

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  • http://Website Glow

    Well I’m glad I’m not alone. lol – great read, thanks!

  • http://Website Laura

    So good. I’m about to turn 39, and went through exactly what you’ve written so well. I wish I had this list when I was in my 20’s, talking to therapists who NEVER said this was totally normal to feel. No one tells you the horrendous failure you’re going to feel like and the comparison disorder, cubicle depression etc. I hope more people in their 20’s, feeling all alone can read this.

  • http://www.noerivera.theworldrace.org Noe

    Great thoughts man.

    I was on fb last night and a little after 9:17 I realized, ‘why the heck am I on facebook right now?’ Yep – signed off. ha

  • http://Website Allyson

    I’m only 21, but 5f is the story of my life. It makes me laugh every single time I read it, though!

    • http://allgroanup.com Paul

      Ha. Thanks Allyson.

  • http://workinmotion.wordpress.com/ Name

    Thanks for this! I’m a recent college grad and I think I really am experiencing a quarter life crisis.

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  • http://Website elizabeth

    i am living number 19..ugh lol i needed to see these, you have no idea. now i don’t feel so bad about being lost

    • admin

      Thanks Elizabeth. Lost is just another word for exploring without a flashlight. Or something wittier than that :)

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  • http://Website Tina

    Wow, the 20’s are certainly crazy with not much direction out there. Thank you so much for this list and website. Can’t wait for the book! Especially if it’s as funny as this list.:)

  • http://Website RayAnne

    Ok totally loved this like everything on this pretty much had my name on it lol! I’m 22, married, no kids (which we definitely want but so thankful we don’t have them yet!) we bought a house, then lo an behold my husband lost his job so we moved down to where our family is and hopefully better job opportunities, so it’s felt like we been hanging on by our fingernails trying to keep up with our bills with very little income (while we find jobs!) And then the not getting on Facebook advice, yeah definitely a good idea because according to all my friends they have it all under control with nice houses, cars, jobs and kids lol I’m happy for them, it’s just depressing like you said :)) Thanks for this, it was spot on! And it’s good to know every normal person in their 20’s feels this way at some point!

    • admin

      “it’s good to know every normal person in their 20′s feels this way at some point!”

      Well said RayAnne. Thanks for the great comment and sharing your experience

  • http://Website Ana

    I can’t thank you enough for this post! I’m 27 and knee deep in affliction from not being “where I wanted to be” at almost 30. I laughed with my heart and shared it with everyone I care about. Thank you for making a difference.

    • admin

      Wow, thank you Ana for these kind words. Much appreciated

  • http://Website John

    Here I am at the ripe ole age of 23. I thought for about 4 months after finishing college that I had it figured out. Making great money, apartment, independent life in the big city… “I’ve got a career!” The past 5-6 months, however, have been garbage. I know, statistically, that I’m going to have 4 different jobs in my life…. but I’m fighting #19, tooth an nail. ARGH!!!

  • http://Website Leigh

    I absolutely love 5,7, 11 & 18. Especially 11 and 5. Going on FB when your depressed only makes you MORE depressed, this I know from experience. I’m 24 and went to school later than my peers due to a family crisis so now that they’re all going on to their graduate schools or buying houses and having kiddos with their spouses. I feel LOUSY about my life, despite that I have a blessed life anyway and I’m blessed enough to have married my HS sweetheart 2yrs ago and we have a very stable and wonderful marriage w/o kids (thankfully!). And I see so many getting married w/ already rocky relationships and I just wish they would recognize #18, much like kids marriage doesn’t fix a relationship.

  • http://Website laura

    i especially love all the egg illustrations =)

    oh, and the words of wisdom are good too!

  • http://Website Sarah

    Thanks for posting this!! I’m 28, have one child- age seven and I’ve been in a relationship with a man since I was 20. I’ve had several jobs, gotten two degrees that have absolutely NOTHING to do with one another and I’m unemployed at the moment. My sister is 25 with a three year old child, has no college degree as of yet and has been waitressing the past three years. My other sister is 20 with a two year old and has changed her major in college more times than I change my underwear in a year! You could see how, at times, we feel like failures. It’s nice to know that we are all three exactly where we need to be and doing exactly what we need to do. Our twenties are here for us so that we can make mistakes, kind of our “trial and error” years. Thanks for the encouragement!!

    • admin

      Definitely Sarah! Thank you for sharing your story. I thought my 20’s would be riddled in success, instead of so much “what the heck?!”

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  • http://erikaelainewells.com Erika

    I was literally reduced to tears laughing — and crying a bit — as I read this list. All I can say is thank you for this. Thank you …

    • admin

      Thank you Erika for the extremely kind comment. Much appreciated. Hope to see you around All Groan Up again soon

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  • http://Website Jill

    Oh how I wish I’da had this list in my 20’s…
    some are funny but ALL are true!

    • admin

      Thanks Jyll! I wish it didn’t take nine years of learning to come up with this list

  • http://Website Kait

    I turn 20 in a week. I’m so glad I found this! I was seriously dreading my birthday this year because I feel like it’s all downhill once you hit the big 2-0. This gives me hope and I’m definitely printing it out so next time I feel that way I’ll have a reference of greater things to come. (:

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  • http://Website Elizabeth Crume

    This is great! Both my husband and I are in our early twenties and expecting our first in a couple of months. He has a steady job and I’m just a homemaker and we are pretty financially secure and definitely secure in our faith in God but life is still a whirlwind. What a great article.

    • admin

      Thanks Elizabeth. Our 20’s as one giant whirlwind is a great way to explain it.

  • http://Website Dina

    Every word of number 16 made perfect sense. That thought has been swirling around my head for ages and you perfectly put it in to words. Thank you. You made my year.

    • admin

      Thanks Dina. It took me years of frustration and disappointment to learn #16. Once I did, I felt such a sense of relief. Life does not feel like it’s supposed and that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be

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  • http://Website Petey

    This is great. I’m glad you didn’t put cheesy shit like follow your dreams, or only do the things you love… I’m 21, and about to graduate so I’m scared as shit.

    BTW… I read this EXACTLY at 9:17 pm… I will therefore NOT go on FB now.

  • http://Website Michelle

    I just turned 22 and have already begun to experience a lot of these. Loved it all! Thank you!

    • admin

      Awesome. Thanks Michelle. Glad you could relate to these “secrets”

  • http://www.laurganism.com Lauren

    I was getting tired of Brooklyn hipsters telling me how I should be spending my 20s, but this is one of the few lists that actually make sense. I don’t agree with you much on all the God stuff, but thanks for writing this and sharing everything you’ve learned. :)

    • admin

      Awesome Lauren. Thank you. Glad I could rise above the ranks of Brooklyn hipsters. That’s tough to do

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  • http://Website Shirley

    Love this. Distributed it to a few friends and they love it too. I was beginning to feel comfortable with what I was doing with my life career wise, now I get the ‘when are you getting married’ questions. 20’s are a painful at times but one hell of a ride.

    Thanks for making me feel normal. Shout of from South Africa.

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  • http://Website Jen

    Number 19 is me. I’m Nona have a bunch of crappy jobs all through my life. I’m 30 now.

  • http://Website Dave

    I’m in my early 30s, already divorced and after a string of bad jobs. No travel to exotic places, no amazing stories to tell. I look at this list and think this must be great for kids who get out of college, have marketable skills, and get the chance to “find themselves.” I find life to be a series of dismal disappointments despite all my hard work and efforts. I frankly don’t see much point to it.
    For all of you who are able to relate to this list and have a chance to enjoy life, do so. You could be doing so much worse and be much more pathetic, just like me.

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  • http://animatingyourlife.com Rob

    It’s been a few years since I was in my 20’s OK, It’s been a LONG time. Gotta tell you how much I loved this post. Very funny, very true.

    • admin

      Thanks Rob! Honored.

  • http://Website DeepaJ

    This is a great post… !!!!!. I’m 26 going through a lot… It was difficult for me to understand what was happening….. Lost faith in god after a massive SECOND break up and a whole of what not…. This post atleast gave me some relief….

    • admin

      Thanks Deepa! Glad 21 Secrets could help

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  • http://Website JayJay

    This article made me feel SO much better. thank you!

    • admin

      Awesome! Thanks JayJay

  • http://Website Hilary

    Found this on Pinterest… Im 27 and Im starting to see that so much of this is true!

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  • http://Website Laura

    Found this on Pinterest and absolutely loved it! Especially number 11! I’m having trouble trying to “find” myself. These are definitely words of wisdom! Thanks :)

    • admin

      Thanks Laura!

  • http://Website Chenai

    Went through number 11 recently , ur advise is on point. Thank you!

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  • http://magnoliaripkin.com Magnolia Ripkin

    Awesome list… wish I had read that piece more than a few years ago.

  • http://Website tiffany

    My name is Tiffany and I am 23. I share a tiny apartment with my boyfriend and my daughter who turns one this weekend. It’s really odd to me that I stumbled across this article today because numbers 16-19 really spoke to my heart and reminded me that it’s okay if my life isn’t perfect now. Anyway, I really needed that exactly when I found it so thanks.

    • admin

      Awesome Tiffany! Pumped to hear

  • http://www.tracy-says.tumblr.com Tracy Schwartz

    Currently going through 11 and 15 right now. To work through them I am acting on #3. At 25 it has been helping tremendously. Thank you for this post!

  • http://Website Jae J

    Printed this and glued on my 2013 vision board. Thank you

    • admin

      Thanks Jae J! Making it on a vision board is pretty dang cool

  • http://Website Maggie H

    Just celebrated my birthday – Early 20s
    but gosh that’s my life in a nutshell
    Some hit home
    Fun read. :)

  • http://Website Mandi

    Well, I’m less than 24 hours from 30 now. I wish I’d read this much earlier in my 20s. Most of these are pretty true to my experienct, but #16 in particular resonated with me. The good side of that is, once you let go of those unmet expectations, you find that what you have might even be better!

  • http://Website Kyle

    Gosh this page made me feel better… im about 4 months away from 23. I know i’m not old, but I’m on my way. Nice to see other people relating.

  • http://pinterest.com Melissa

    Found this on pinterest….SO glad I did, I feel a lot better now! I’m 23 and I’ve been freaking out a lot lately!

  • http://Website Verna

    27 and shiz just got real lol Thanks!

  • http://Website MikeWiLLMusic

    20 going on 21, I’m glad I read this at the time that I did.

    Thank You brah.

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  • http://Website Brad

    I read aquote the other day that I fell in love with that works well with the last one. “The grass is greener where you water it.” I think a lot of people are always hoping for the next best thing that’s right around the corner. They don’t realize that maybe if you put some time and effort into something, it might already be there waiting for you.

  • http://Beautybeforefashion.blogspot.com Angie

    Omg Being 26 and just finishing up my Bachelor I feel late in this game of life. I totally relate to the FB part, I decided to erase my FB and honestly it feels so good. I just hope I get a sence of what to do with my life now that I finally graduated college. I recently started blogging :) beautybeforefashion.blogspot.com

    • admin

      Awesome. Thanks Angie

  • http://melodylikethemusic.tumblr.com Mel

    This is a God-send. I’m 24 and I’m back at my parents house after a recent unsuccessful move to a big city. This is especially painful considering I planned it for so long and even quit my job to move. I have NO IDEA what I’m going to do now because I’d pinned a lot of hopes and dreams in that city. Add on the fact that I know a lot of 20-somethings who have moved to whole new countries and are living the life and getting married and all that shiz and I feel like I’m going backwards compared to them. But thank you for writing this! It’s good to know that failing at stuff in your 20s is normal. Hopefully by the time I’m 30 I can look back on this and have that ‘I was where I needed to be’ feeling you talk about <3

    • admin

      Well said Mel! Thanks. I felt very much the same way in my mid-twenties. You’re definitely not alone

  • http://Website Nicole

    Hello from asia! In my twenties now, all mixed up and confused about where my life is heading. Finding this on pinterest tonight was like someone having an honest conversation with me when I was down. Thanks for this and have an awesome weekend ahead (:

  • http://Website Dee

    I’m 19 turning 20 in a few weeks and I find this VERY informative on what my twenties would be like in the near future. I see my 20th birthday as a very serious thing. I feel like I was floating by throughout my 10s, not really caring about some things that I care about now. I regret not getting very serious at 15. Now I’m entering REAL young adulthood (20 – 39), on time crunches. I’m worried that I won’t have accomplishments in my career by the time a reach a certain kind of age, that some of my peers have ALREADY made. Some are a few years younger than me.

  • http://www.facebook.com/wereallherebecausewerenotallthere Katie

    Ahhhhhhmazing! Period. I also loved your vimeo video intro! I’m excited to have found this page! Keep up the good work!

    • admin

      Awesome! Thank you Katie for the kind words. “With the plant, without the plant…” :)

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  • http://tumblr.com gem

    Glad I can always re-read this when the going gets tough! (days like today) Thanks a lot Paul, keep doing what you do!

  • http://Website 23yo Girl

    I can’t even tell you how much frustration in my life can be sourced back to #12. Trying to date someone you met while drinking and/or wearing a bikini just NEVER works out.

  • http://www.christinaramas.com/ Christina

    You may have a lot of experiences in your life that actually I can relate with mine especially #16,17,18. I am so grateful I found you here.

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  • http://www.polaroidsuitcase.wordpress.com Alexandra

    Hi Paul,
    I have referenced your work in my article “Quarter-Life Crisis” (located at http://polaroidsuitcase.wordpress.com/2013/07/16/quarter-life-crisis/) as you have been a bit of a saving grace!
    Thank you kindly!

  • http://Website Michelle

    I finally have hope :) I’m almost 21 and I’ve been tweaking out since my 20th b-day about the direction of my life but I just got inspired to do what I need to do thanks to you! Nice chunk of valuable information you’ve got here.

  • http://Website Darcy

    This made me both laugh and cry. And when I went to type in my email address, I accidentally typed in my email address I used in high school. Quarter Life Crisis?I think so. :(

  • http://allgroanup.com Edith

    Thank you so much for this Paul. Ever since I turned 22 and that was last year Dec, my life’s just been on a downward spiral and today is one of those days where am just too depressed to do anything. Seeing this article just lifts my spirits and I can’t thank you enough for posting it. I relate to so many things in here that I thought I was just reading a chapter of my life. At least I now know am where am supposed to be and I’ll try not to compare myself to others as I’ve been doing so much of that lately. plus am constantly feeling like a failure especially since my friends will be graduating ahead of me all because am having a few issues with my units and thesis. I’ve gotten to the point where I am even afraid of completing it because I feel like it will never be good enough. couple that with pressure from my family to grad, get a job and move out, and I’m left feeling like a huge mess. I constantly question my faith and I’ve already lost touch with almost all my friends.
    sorry I didn’t mean to make this so long. I just needed to vent. Thanks anyway at least I know am not alone. This coming from a girl all the way from Africa.

    • admin

      Thank you Edith for sharing these honest thoughts that I know many of us have also struggled with. You can vent here anytime!

  • http://Website Candace

    OOOOOHHHHHH my goodness!!!

    It is so refreshing to read this post!

    I am 26, and I have gone through a few of these things that you have mentioned here…I LOVE your openness and honesty about these “life things” in your 20s.

    I have just recently gone through a time of feeling lost, feeling like a loser and calling myself a loser more than once, being depressed, caring too much what other people thought about me and so on.
    I am feeling better now and working on yet again getting all my little piggies back together.

    Thank you for the reality on how alot of 20 somethings are feeling…..it does help to know i am not alone in this whirlwind of madness. 😉

    • admin

      Thanks Candace for the honesty and awesomeness of this comment. Much, much appreciated! If you like this post, you’ll love the full book 101 Secrets for your Twenties http://bit.ly/101-Secrets

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  • http://Website Allison

    Thanks for sharing … number 16 was a nice reminder!

    I really appreciate number 15 as well…whats to say if facebook was never invented? Would we feel differently about ourselves?

    • admin

      Thanks Allison!

  • http://Website Abigail

    I’d like to disagree with #14, I met my husband through friends at a pool! If they like you for who you are in a swimsuit (hair in a messy bun, no makeup, and remnants of the freshman 15) then they are a keeper!

    • admin

      Ha. Point taken Abigail.

  • http://Website Celia

    I’m 26- and wish- REALLY WISH, my friends would put into action #12. Someone has GOT to start saving me from my reckless flirting, clearly I’m not up for the task… >_<

  • http://Website Pedro Olvera

    Paul, just snooping around your website. Awesome work! Really like number 7. Can’t even begin to count how many times I failed and many times I just plainly blew it in my 20’s. Failing school, getting fired from my job, and just all the drama that I caused for myself and family. Your advice is well take, doesn’t mean that we are failure. Got to learn and keep moving ahead. Best wishes on all that your doing!!

    • admin

      Thanks Pedro! Great hearing from you and thank you for sharing your story. Yeah I think many twentysomethings feel like they have a terminal case of failure. I know I did as well. Hope to see you around All Groan Up again!

  • http://www.smart-twenties.com Samantha Brown

    I’ve just stumbled upon your website and I love this post! Especially 11, 15 & 16. I’m 22 and can definitely relate to all these! It’s so nice being able to hear that I’m not the only one that’s feeling a little lost! I’ve just started my own blog (www.smart-twenties.com) & your honesty and openness has really inspired me – keep up the great work!

    • http://www.allgroanup.com/ Paul Angone – All Groan Up

      Awesome Samantha! Thank you. Pumped you started your own site.

      • http://www.smart-twenties.com/ Sam Brown

        Thanks Paul! :)

  • http://Website Joel V

    I just turned 30 last month, and wish I could say I learned a whole lot from my 20s (my 20s were lackluster to say the least) but honestly, I’m still molding the person I’d like to be, and not at all sure how to get to that place.

  • http://Website francis

    Wow! This is a great article. Inspiring. Everything is for real and every twentysomething should read this. This stage of life is a bumpy wild ride. I’m experiencing this right now and somehow I’m losing hope, but you’re right I need to HOLD TIGHT. I will bring these lessons with me as we’re about to enter another year. :)

    I can’t find your book (101 secrets for you 20s) here in the philippines. I’ve been looking for it for months now. :(

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  • http://Website Aza

    Im not even in my 20s yet but this article is soooo great! Kudos to you for writing this article :)

    • http://www.allgroanup.com/ Paul Angone – All Groan Up

      Thanks Aza!

  • http://www.polaroidsuitcase.wordpress.com Alexandra

    Great article. I’ve definitely come to the realisation, things are not as intended in your twenties… Click on the link to debunk 5 mythical goals of your 20s
    http://polaroidsuitcase.wordpress.com/2014/02/24/debunking-5-mythical-goals-of-your-20s/

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  • http://Website Elizabeth

    Love this. Thank you!

  • http://Website Spencer gilchrist

    Wow funny article tried so much different crap in my twenties feel more the better for it, but non the less more confused. All for trying different paths in the darkness, but all be thirty in a month you’ll be catching ass it is difficult to realize your not better than you are but all the better when you just embrace it your actual ego no your fantasy of your future and your life in high school ha hah!

  • http://Website Sash

    I was crying this morning cos I moved to the coast when I got pregnant last year away from everything and everyone… I miss them… I feel so lost!!! Yes I am waiting for my name and I also understand my mother a lot better with me being a mommy myself… Tv makes “grown up life” seem awesome, sometimes I just wonder where the feck did I go wrong??? :'(

    • http://www.allgroanup.com/ Paul Angone – All Groan Up

      Thanks Sash for sharing your story. Yes adult life isn’t quite as sitcom as we once thought. I can definitely relate to that feeling.

      Sounds like you’ve gone through some major life transitions, so it’s more than normal to feel lost. But as I often say, being lost is the first step to exploring. What new amazing things will you discover?

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  • http://www.theguidetowork.com Catherine

    “You are exactly where you need to be!” – so true. I used to feel in such a rush to get “there” – as if the train would leave the station without me. But who would build a station and a track just to service one train EVER. The next is on it’s way…

    • http://www.allgroanup.com/ Paul Angone – All Groan Up

      “who would build a station and a track just to service one train EVER.” Ha! Well said Catherine.

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  • Jamie

    I loved the article! Thanks for sharing :) I’m 25. I have my degree in Chemistry, I have a small business and a successful relationship yet I’ve had a slew of crappy jobs! I wonder what I’m doing with my life, but, thanks to your article, I realize that things aren’t so badly magnifying.

    • Paul Angone

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your story Jamie.

    • http://www.allgroanup.com/ Paul Angone – All Groan Up

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your story Jamie.

  • Juliana

    I’m 22 and I do have to admit. I’m completely lost. I don’t feel I’m passionate, ambitious or dynamic as older people usually say people in my age are supposed to be. I feel like an old tired lady.

    • http://www.allgroanup.com/ Paul Angone – All Groan Up

      I can definitely relate Juliana. Some weeks I feel unstoppable. Other weeks, months, and years I’ve felt stuck, un-inspired, and unsure. I think the times I feel most alive though are when I’m pursuing a specific goal with purpose. When I’m not, I feel like I’m just floating in deep water waiting for something to grab me from below.

    • Philip

      Haha, 25 here, it feels as if I just turned 18. I haven’t gotten too far in life,and it makes me feel like a loser that I don’t have things figured out in the slightest(I don’t even know what I wanna do) I guess the reality is we all feel this way to a certain extent. My big issue is constantly comparing myself to others

      • Erika

        YES. I’m reading this because I turn 25 in three months and I Googled ‘can you have a life crisis’. Trust me, that you are so not alone. I have a good job and haven’t lived at home in 7 years, but I never went to college, and you have no idea how easy it is to feel like you failed right there. Plus some days I hate my job, and even though I’m wildly stubborn and independent, I haven’t done even 20% of the stuff I desperately want to. I knew this was normal… but I’m so, so grateful to see that others feel that way too. Hang in there… if I can, you can.

      • Emily

        This is exactly the same scenario for me. 25, not living at home for 8 years, never went to college, good job but scared as hell that if I lose it I’ll never find another that will pay me what this one is.

  • Ki

    OH MY GOD, this made me feel so much better. I’m 24. I won’t be 25 for another 5 months, and yet I woke up this morning crying to the point of exhaustion about it. I always feel like I’m running out of time, and for some reason 25 just sounds like IT. I don’t even drink, and I was crying about how it’s looked down upon to get drunk after a certain age. Yes, I’m losing it because I can’t even not get drunk anymore. Ironically, 26 doesn’t sound daunting whatsoever. I see the youth in 26, but 25 is killing me for some reason. I’m not as independent as I’d like to be. I haven’t been able to find a job in the past year (overqualified, under experienced -_-), so I’m still living at home. I’ve never had a boyfriend or even a date, because I look YOUNG. Like, I got carded for a pg-13 movie last week. It freaks guys my age out, and employers never take me seriously. I was an honors college grad, top 10% of my class, and my brain is like, “How did you fall off this badly?! You have no excuse as to why this happened!” *sigh*

    • http://www.allgroanup.com/ Paul Angone – All Groan Up

      Thanks for sharing your story Ki! Sounds like your smack dab in the middle of wrestling with “supposed to”. I’ve been there many times as well. Tell your brain this is a short season, with it’s pros and cons. Then soon it will be over. And you’ll be in a new place. With it’s own pros and cons.

    • aNTH07G

      Wow, similar scenarios ! I see looking younger as an advantage for us, providing we act on it.
      Great blog.

    • Lindsey Para

      WOAH! This is similar to me, with the exception of I’m a boy, 26 & don’t exactly look younger then my age. I’m over qualified & under experienced. It’s a catch 22 for us when looking for a job – employers what someone whose young & has the necessary & or more qualification but won’t hire you if you don’t have any experience.

      I still live at home, I’m not independent, I don’t have a job anymore as I quite last year (2014) when my mum passed away, I worked for a retail company for 9 years since highschool. Though as soon as I started uni in 2010 my hours working there dropped to only 6 hours a week (manager hated me), but I liked it because of having more time to study / do the things I wanted to do, but at the same time hated it because I needed more cash. I’d always complain to them but never got anymore hours. I guess I was very comfortable.

      I finished uni at the end of 2012 and have yet to get a job in my profession. But that’s on purpose, why? Well because 6 months before I graduated I realised I don’t have any desire/passion for my degree (Film degree by the way) and figured I’d complete it instead of going back to the start for another course.

      I have no idea what it is I want to do at all. I have little savings, never had a girlfriend, so naturally I’m still a virgin…. at 26.

      All I do is spend time on the Internet reading about articles like these so I can make sense of my shitty life & staring at the ceiling (as I’m always lying in bed) as my mind it always thinking, and lastly, I go to the gym 4-5 days a week, but I’m not even good looking or have ANY abs / 6-pack at all, just do it because.

      I don’t drink (never been drunk), never had sex, never been kissed, don’t have abs, have no money, don’t have a job, still live at home, doesn’t have many friends, not smart or creative, not liked by many many people, not good-looking at all, suffer from psoriasis, mother tied of breast cancer, have never travelled anywhere, have no idea why my life purpose is & I’m always tired no matter how much sleep I get, yes I know I have depression so that could most likely be why. And next year is my 10 year highschool reunion….. Life is great HA! Not…….

      • Christian Cruz

        Damn man, sounds rough when you put it that way. But I mean, getting a date, a kiss, abs, or anything of that nature requires an INTENSE amount of belief and dedication. Not saying you aren’t, but what I am saying is that confidence is built up from past achievements, and confidence and belief in yourself goes a long way. I’ve seen the worst looking guys get girls and pretty much because they’ve accepted themselves and others admire that kind of inner strength.

        Don’t count your years as a waste of time, realistically, 26 means you’ve had a decade since 16 to make critical decisions.
        Look on the brightside, you live a healthy(ish) life by working out and staying clean of alcohol, you’ve finished your schooling which shows a lot of heart, AND you’re still a virgin. Everyone says that like its a bad thing, but truth is, a girl would appreciate that you’re not a dirt bag. It’s hard to really help you out on such a small forum, so ill leave you with this.

        ->No one will tell you your life purpose, life purpose comes from an inner burning desire for something, anything, to change or become.
        –>Good looking isn’t something you have, it’s something you believe in. ( I am 5’5, have been ridiculed by most groups for being short, sounding or doing awkward things, having a uni-brow, which i maintain nowadays) Despite the haters, i told myself i was good looking and acted the part, even though i acted like a douche at times. Point is, realistically, I only had me in my corner. It was lonely, but I’m a lone wolf kinda guy, it made me stronger.
        —> You were born unique, take pride in who you are and what you’ve become. even though it doesn’t seem like much to you, finishing school, getting a job, and staying clean are huge.
        we’re still very young (I’m 27) and nows the time to realize what we DON’T want for the rest of our lives and act so that we get what we DO want. Best of luck to you, faith and prosperity brother.

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  • 21 quarter life crisis

    Wow this is amazing and made me feel so much better about everything. It’s so true that we are at the best stage in our life, yet still so insecure about so much. Number 8 and number 16 really stuck with me the most. I feel like because of so many people around us (parents, teachers, friends) insinuating what we are supposed to be doing all the time, we go insane. We aren’t “Supposed” to be doing anything except figuring out our adult selves and what makes us happy. We can’t be expected to follow this path that every person in their 20’s is “supposed” to follow because everyone is different and will create their own.

    • http://www.allgroanup.com/ Paul Angone – All Groan Up

      Yep, well said! You have to find your personal “supposed to” in the details of every day. Start stringing together what you know you’re are “supposed to” do, and that’s when you start creating something beautiful.

  • lea

    I just turned 20 a few months ago, and was hit with the uneasy feeling of not knowing what to do at all. Its an over powering feeling of fear, confusion, being lost. It’s so suffocating. Then I look at my friends, and all of them are married already and they seem like everything is already together for them. Seeing it all just makes me feel worse, but after reading this article and also reading these comments; I feel like have some new found breathing room. I also don’t feel alone, that there are people out there feeling the same way I do. Thank you for your advice. Its very refreshing. I look forward to reading your book.

    -Lea

    • http://www.allgroanup.com/ Paul Angone – All Groan Up

      Thanks Lea! Well put. You have a wide open field full of awesome waiting in front of you. Keep walking forward. Being lost is the first step to exploring.

  • Kyle

    Im 24, my girlfriend(?) is 26. I have been in a relationship for 2 years and we moved in together a year ago. Everything was peachy when we were both looking for jobs and as we were working part time and living off money we had saved up… then the real 9-5 job started 7 months ago for me and 3 months ago for her. Our careers are FINALLY taking off but the relationship has completely fizzled. I realize how inexperienced and just generally naive I am when it comes to relationships. I may have more skilled and practiced before work started but wow I am just such a NOOB… Oh and we met in swimsuits with drinks in hand. Any advice on bouncing back?

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  • Debbie

    great article. i just turned 26 and feel like I’ve been going through a mid life crisis for the past 2 years…when i was a little girl i dreamt of having my dream job by now, travel the world, own a house, be married (not kids just yet), successful..happy… Well…that didn’t work out….Although I graduated university with a joint honors I’ve been stuck in a dead end job that i feel i will never get out of due to the economic situation and lack of job opportunities. I end up having to scrape through the month to survive. nothing is ever left on the side for a holiday abroad. i just got out of a shitty abusive relationship that has drained the life out of me, its been a miserable couple of years… making me feel like i’m an old resentful hag…please tell me these are just little experiences and the best is yet to come… definitely feel lost. how did everything go the opposite to what i wanted … this is definitely not what i pictured my life to be in my 20’s.

  • Caia

    Just found this and so glad I’m not alone going through this. I got two degrees and entered my field with passion, only to realize that I actually hate my field. I went through 4 jobs in a year and quit the last one after being yelled at on my 4th day by a delusional paranoid old boss. I sit at home surfing the internet and telling my parents I’m making good use of my time by studying for my licensing exams, which happens once a week. Thankfully I convinced a successful 22 year old to marry me and now he works a 9-5 supporting me and I feel like a terrible person. I used to believe housewives were lazy thieves and even if I decided to be a housewife I don’t have kids so I really am a lazy thief. I always bragged to everyone that I was a career woman and now I’m just a lost bum. I agree with Juliana that I’ve lost all passion and ambition, and that I feel like I’m 55. A goal would be nice.

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  • Amy

    Just reading this… bout to turn 20 in 9 days so might as well. There were some lightly meh points but I just wanted to say that I did grow up in church and I had problems with my faith. All of a sudden right now it is the contrary of me not even going to church. I am actually going to church on my own and I enjoy it. Still this is a huge new place for me and I am kind of scared but want to make the best of it as an adult.

  • MoodyBloom

    Thats exactly how i feel right now. 23, in college, have no passion for what im studying anymore, cannot get out of bed in the mornings, so i stay up studying at nights, and sleeping during the day. Other days, spent partying and drinking away. The worst of it all is – i feel so lost. I WANT to do something, i WANT that “epiphany moment” , but i just dont know how to find it, and where to even begin to look for. It may or may not be depression. Im afraid to get psychological help, as i may get diagnosed with something which could possibly make me feel even worse. I like to believe i dont have depression, and just going through a phase, but it just so hard. Im afraid to drop out of college, but i also, do not know if i can finish it. I have 0 interest in it, and 0 motivation. Im considering giving hypnotherapy a chance, also wanting to try yoga and mediation…I heard some people swear by Reiki.. I’m not sure. God only knows how long i will feel so stuck and lost in life. I just know i gotta to do something, take a risk, try something new and beneficial in life,,, Act on that great idea you wrote about…
    Reading the article and everyones comments, made me realize how many more people are in the same exact situation as myself… I guess, writing yet, another personal story in a comment just allows myself, and others get it off our shoulders, which is somewhat of a relief. I can see why you resumed to writing, it may be that “road” to that epiphany for everyone that is lost and needs.
    Thank You

  • 26 and starting fresh?

    I just turned 26! quit a job that I did for three years after University grad, for a company I was not very into. Decided to go back to school, only to realize how much I miss my freedom. After about 10 rejections from my dream jobs. I have decided to start fresh. Not to mention I have been “dating a guy” whom is more like a friend for the last 2.5 years and have not been able to effectively breakup with him. Now that I have quit my job i can’t get the car or the condo I had my eyes on. Help! I have no idea how to be 26 and single! ek

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  • Personal Trainer Bloke

    Such an excellent guide, I love that saying about the grass, you have to sift through a lot of manure to get to the good part!

    http://www.themphmethod.com/about/studios/st-johns-wood-studio

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  • Mindy

    Reading this made me feel so relieved knowing I’m not alone feeling this way. I just turned 24 about a month ago and I already feel like time is running out; like I haven’t done enough with my life yet. I finished university two years ago and for about 6 months I’ve felt lost and stuck, as though I’m just treading water and soon I’m going to drown from the overwhelming pressure I feel to succeed and be happy. For so long finishing school and obtaining my dream job were my goals. Now I feel as though I’ve lost all my drive and ambition that I had in high school and university. It’s been a very depressing time in my life that I never dreamed I would experience, but knowing I’m not the only one makes me hopeful for the future.

  • Karen

    THIS.IS.HILARIOUS.

  • Lauren-Kelly Anderson

    This was a great article, made me smile and rethnik some issues at the same time. Yeah, you do kinda really feel lonely and insecure when you’re in your twenties. After I graduated I really didn’t have idea what I’m going to do. It feels really pointless. Being also single at the same time is not helpful. Though, I find your point no. 2 really fantastic. It is true, you should never back off because of fear of embarrassement. When I took the courage to look for it, I was lucky enough to find a lot of internship/graduates opportunities, which was really a relief. It helps a lot if you can engage in some projects with other young people, or if you can travel/change the place of residence. (I found most opportunities here http://www.heysuccess.com/ if there are people out there interested) Actually this blog really reminded me of HS blog, but these advices give some really reassuring insights. It was definitely helpful to put my situation in perspective.

  • emily

    its soo good reading this article, I feel a billion times better about my situation! I have for some reason hit this wall lately where I feel stuck in life, one crappy job to another full of people that make you feel as smart as a bag of beans. Im one week shy of turning 23, and yet i feel like im turning 10. I just feel like people assume that cause im young and starting out in life that im a clueless twat. this is definately a difficult time in life. Soo many choices and opportunities. So many expectations and sooo much pressure to suceed. Its like every time i see someone like family or friends all they do is poke and prod dumping judgement and their opinions on how to soo called better my chances! Like seriously people! Im dealing with that every damn day!!

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  • Lovey25

    I just turned 25 a few days ago and I feel EXACTLY the same way. I felt like by now I should have had it all figured out. Amazing job, amazing home and amazing relationships. I just feel like it’s more to life. I want to travel, see the world and yes go on a road trip. It just sucks having all this debt from school loans. It literally can leave you trapped. I think all the responsibility is what freaks me out and not being able to walk away at the drop of a dime. I see other 25 year Olds and say hey I’m behind what am I doing wrong. I think about the young celebrities who are my age and are famous and think hey what did I do wrong why am I not as successful as them. I remember being the youngest in a group now I’m not. I’m literally watching myself age and it freaks me out. I remember 23 being a tough. 24 was great it seemed so young but now 25 it seems so old. I’m not sure but I can say it’s great to have people that feel the same way as I Do. I never post on a site but I just had to this time.

  • Kori

    This article and also your whole website has helped me so much over the past few days. It’s such a relief to know that others feel lost and that life hasn’t been feeling like “its supposed to”. Thank you for your articles and also for the humor you tie in as well!

  • Jimbo

    I have to say, I found comfort in this. I’m nearly 26, in a job that I hate, within an industy I’ve hated since I was a little boy. I’m considering moving and changing jobs but as much as I hate it here, it’s comfortable. There’s a definite pay-cheque that pays rent and bills and life can just plod along. But every night I go to bed so disappointed with myself for not honouring the promises I made to myself. I always lived by that John Lennon quote that states all he wanted be when he grows up is happy. That’s all I promised myself. And I have failed that very basic promise.

  • Sam I’m Not

    I’m kind and kind of not where I should be as a 20-something… I am in college, studying animation, I get good grades, I love making animations, I love video games sometimes. But sadly I am dealing with many bad things which make my 20’s less enjoyable; I have no real friends, the “friends” I do have always avoid me, they make excuses whenever I want to hang out, if I say hi to them on facebook, they just “see” the message but never reply but I see them make many posts.
    My relatives all hate me, since childhood, my cousins always hated me and left me out and never invited me to their birthdays but they came to mine. They all ignore my friend requests and messages. Proving they are still crappy people after all these years.
    I had neglectful parents as a child, and sadly I live with my mom who is very bi polar and can say very cruel things, and she is very controlling and often threatens suicide.
    And worst of all I have bad social anxiety, and Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, and Depression. I can’t find a good therapist. I can’t find a friend to talk to, I have no one I can talk to at all, and this page is probably the worst place to post this, but I just need to get this off my chest, not really looking for answers, just want someone to talk to is all, someone who isn’t fake and bad like all the rest. Yes I know I won’t find that here or anywhere but at least I got that off my chest. Phew.

    • Christian Cruz

      I wouldnt mind being your friend!

  • specky203

    Found this site while I was googling on mid 20s crisis… Today has been such a day… making myself feeling worst as it already have.
    25… 6 months after quitting my job last year… helping mum with her business on the mean time…
    lost… most of the time… reach the time that I just cant seem to figure out what is my true passion…
    looking friends updates in FB about most of them are happily married totally not helping with my 25-single-mid20crisis me…
    I’m just glad that I came across this site. To read that there are people that having the same issues like me… kinda lift up my spirit a bit. thanks :)

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  • Anna

    its the worst when on top of everything.. i think, what’s the fucking point.

  • love

    Sometimes its just best to live and forget about your age. Let you heart guide your life not your age. Just focus on how you feel right now, and go from there. :)

  • SKeyOK

    The last one is GOLD!

  • Kimi

    Im Turning 24 soon and I feel like im 16 and still can be grounded yet I live on my own, putting myself thru college to open my own business by 26-27years. At the same time i feel old because i never go out, been working since 14 and literally have had more than one job at a time…just work work work. Now Work and school and more school but 20’s are awkward because your trying to figure out yourself and The right path to take. Im watching all my friends from high school either marry or have kids if their not on their second or third kid by now and its like we graduated high school 6 years ago. I remember it like it was yesterday, they didnt experience life yet.

  • Ferdi

    Hi I’m Ferdi. I am 26 yo and my life has never been this hard since the beginning of my 20’s. My study, my job, my love were so much easier. I graduated as top 10%, accepted in a good company, got promoted, and everything I achieved easily, until currently I am feeling the world is just “freezed”. I never get any promotion, all the efforts done more intense than what I did before but the result was demotivating. I have been in the point where I am thinking that do I really want to keep doing with what I am doing right now or start changing the directions.

    Sorry if my english is confusing because I am not a native speaker :)
    Thanks for the article! It made me feel a bit relieved.

  • Ashnacole

    I found this website a couple of weeks after I turned 20 and found myself crying out of nowhere when I was alone because I wasn’t where I thought I would or should be. I thought I would be going to a university in a dorm with a job, maybe a boyfriend, and a couple of people I hang out with often that I can be real with. I go to a community college (Its not bad, I just need to transfer), I still live with my mom, no job, and I feel alone most of the time. Reading these articles help me a lot, I just need to get up and do it instead of pushing it to the back of my minds me forgetting about it.

    • http://www.allgroanup.com/ Paul Angone – All Groan Up

      Ashnacole, the more eyes-wide-open and intentional you are about your twenties, the more fulfilled you will find yourself down the road. Friending is difficult during these years, some days the last thing you want to spend energy doing is building a new friendship (and Facebook doesn’t count:). It is worth reaching out, inviting people out to coffee or over for dinner is a step in the right direction. Get plugged into your local church young adult group or an activity that you enjoy (a free one is even better). It gets better, I promise, but keep showing up, keep reaching outward. Also, check out my article on the 7 pitfalls to avoid in your twenties. If you can get these down, you will be better off than most! http://allgroanup.com/twentysomething-life-2/7-gigantic-pitfalls-to-avoid-in-your-20s/

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  • Nisha Benny-Varghese

    Awesome post Paul. LOVE #2

  • Cabraham93

    So I everything was going exactly how I planned until I had no choice but to drop my nursing classes because of my GPA. I just worked for a year, was really depressed..still am. I’m living under my parents I was really close to having it all together. I feel so alone. My friends from school all post pictures about how great clinical are..and I just get so jealous. I literally worked my butt off in school. But just to not have it pay off really made me so unstable, insecure and broken. Now I don’t feel like I have the same drive anymore. My parents are just so nice and willing to do everything for me. But I feel so dependent and like a child. I was always so independent, knew what I wanted. I just don’t know how to redirect myself.

  • Weisen Heimer

    Im 24 and i felt like life sucks as we get older. :p id really thought that when i went 21 and be independent, life would become easier because there’s no longer parents who would stop you from doing what you want.. But im wrong. :( being kind of independent and 24 feels so pressuring that my thoughts of being 24 wasnt the one i expected when i was 19, thinking of what i would be like 5 years from now. Whatever.

  • xvghs

    You loose faith because you want too. I’m not giving up on Jesus cause my life is crap right now. But other than that, it kinda makes sense.

  • sarah khatib

    okay i have to have this book! im completly lost, im 23 and and a fairly new (7,5 month and counting) believer and i need advise perspective. this gave me some encouragement already and you are hilarious, haha, i must have this book.