4 reasons why breaking up is the best thing that could have happened

Thank God we broke up picture

 

Staying in a bad relationship is like letting your heart lay in the sun too long and then being surprised when it burns.

But that doesn’t mean that breaking up is any less difficult.

And boy, do I have some doooooozy break up stories. Like soap opera, he can’t be telling the truth, oh that’s just so wrong it’s hilarious, type break up stories.

But now when I look back, I know that while breaking up is extremely painful, it’s the best thing that could’ve happened.

 

Thank God we broke up picture

 

4 reasons why breaking up is the best thing that could have happened

 

1.     Surgery sucks. (But it’s kind of important)

Breaking up is not like removing a Band-aid, one quick painful pull and it’s over.

Breaking up is like getting stitches without painkillers – each stitch incredibly excruciating, yet vital to closing up the wound.

Obviously if something is killing you, you have it removed, right? But surgery isn’t always that simple and straight-forward. You’re probably going to feel more acute pain after the surgery than before.

Sure when you’re plastered on the couch, tears coming from your tears, you’ll wonder how God could allow you to feel so much pain.

But you’re on the path towards health.

Sometimes it’s only when you have pieces cut from you that you can become whole.

2.   The person you swore was the One, was not even in the Top Ten.

As I was experiencing the waves and wind of a hard break up, I’ll never forget the advice my good friend Josh gave me.

“Paul, just think. If you thought this was the One, just think how awesome the actual person you’re going to marry must be. The story doesn’t end here. God has something better in mind.”

And now every single day, Josh’s words ring true. Every day with my wife is a daily crescendo of amazing.

Sometimes God in his infinite mercy won’t let you force wrong.

3.     No better way to make you, you.

Breaking up is like a fire. It destroys. A lot. But sometimes it’s beneficial and necessary. Especially if it’s controlled. Like a farmer taking a field overgrown with weeds and setting fire to the overgrowth.

“Fire is a natural and necessary contributor to habitat vitality and renewal. Many plant species in naturally fire-affected environments require fire to germinate, to establish, or to reproduce.” Wikipedia

If you allow the fire of a breakup to burn through the overgrowth and dead weeds in your life, the plants that will grow back will reap tons of sweet fruit.

As I wrote about in “The secret to finding, and marrying, the right person“, we shouldn’t worry so much about finding the right person. Instead we should be working on becoming the right person. Sometimes through fire is the only way.

4.     Beauty from a Break Up

Sometimes life must suck before it’s sweet. The pain of breakups have produced some of the most beautiful movies, songs, and pieces of artwork that exist on earth. There is a certain kind of clarity and creativity that comes from the fire of a breakup.

How has a break up been good to you?

23 Comments

  1. Krist

    This is a great post with a great message! Breaking up has been an eye-opening experience, but I guess it was time for a controlled burn. Your second point also really hit home for me. My break up has been good to me because I started doing things I wanted to do, on my terms, and for myself. It’s been a difficult road, but I have come out the other side much stronger and on my way to becoming the right person.

    Reply
    • admin

      Well said Krist. Love your perspective. Sounds like the controlled burn has been hard but life-giving

      Reply
  2. Mike

    Truth above. This has been proven in my life over and over, and I definitely applies beyond romantic relationships!

    Reply
    • admin

      Thanks Mike. Definitely right. Same principles apply to most big changes in our life. Great point

      Reply
  3. Dave

    Number 3 – where you talk about Fire – I cannot even describe how perfect that is. Like you reached into my mind and pulled out something I believed but was never able to put into words. Because that’s exactly how my last breakup went/felt like and yet so much good came from it.

    Reply
    • admin

      Dave so good to hear. Thank you. Awesome that the slow fire has obviously produced some sweet fruit in your life

      Reply
  4. Julie

    I love this website. You have some of the best advice for young adults whom are just struggling. I love the part about the control fire and God has someone better. Sometimes, it is hard remembering that God has someone better when you are hurting but God never fails! I am so grateful for this website! Thanks for writing on the stuff no one every writes about!

    Reply
    • admin

      Julie, thank you for these extremely kind words and encouragement. It’s comments like these that motivate me to keep on writing…

      Really, really appreciate it!

      Reply
  5. Paige

    I ended a toxic relationship three months before I moved to a new town four hours away. I gained so much more appreciation for a new slate and a new life than I probably would have had if I had stayed in that relationship.

    That was almost 2 years ago and I’ve never been happier!

    Reply
    • admin

      Thanks Paige! Love your point that sometimes changing something else along with a break up is a great way to gain perspective

      Reply
  6. Samantha

    My most recent breakup resulted in the loss of an entire friend group. I was heartbroken by the abandonment of friends and by the end of the relationship. But who was there for me in a way I never expected? My church. For the first time in my life I began to feel like I belonged, like I was a part of a living church. I am still so inspired and in love with this (small, messy, beautiful, humble, earnest, wonderful) community of believers and the way that God works in and through the Body of Christ. Plus, as a bonus, i hear that Mr. Completely Wrong found a new church and has healed and grown a ton as a result of the breakup too. I guess God knows what he’s doing after all. #sogladwebrokeup

    Reply
    • admin

      Wow, Samantha really cool to hear. Love this story.

      Definitely seems that breakups take way more than we expected, but then return much more than we could’ve imagined.

      Reply
    • Naomi Grace

      Thanks for sharing your story it’s really encouraging 🙂

      Reply
  7. Allison

    I can’t begin to describe how powerful this article was and how much it hit home. I recently ended a 3 1/2 year relationship with my boyfriend, which was by far one of the most difficult things I’ve had to do. I had been contemplating it for months, but always putting it off because I so badly wanted to be happy with him again and wanted him to be “The One.” Your point #2 was so accurate, God made it excruciatingly clear that this man was not meant for me, even though I wanted him to be. God wouldn’t let me “force wrong.” And knowing that God has someone even more awesome than the most awesome guy that I know is incredibly inspiring. And as a result of our break up, I’ve gotten much more involved in my church and with the people I attend it with. Overall, it’s been such a blessing in disguise and I continue to look forward to the new beginnings I discover as a result of this ending. Thanks again for writing this and providing clarification when I needed it the most.

    Reply
    • admin

      Thanks Allison for these incredible thoughts and words of encouragement. Pumped to hear your story and the growth that has come from the breakup. Thank you for leaving a note

      Reply
  8. Christina

    I love to read your article. And I agree to your “reason why breaking up is the best thing that could have happened.”Actually breaking up had helped me read the whole book of a certain author about Psychology of Love. I do not understand why the pain exist when you are not inviting it. How much I want to hide from it, ignore from it… Struggling for many years, understanding the essence of breaking up made me a mature human being. I thank God we broke up. God gave me the strength, determination and survival power. And YES I want to read more and more of your articles. God bless you. More power!

    Reply
    • admin

      Awesome Christina! Well said. Thank you for the amazing words.

      Reply
  9. Jenny C

    Just stumbled upon this website this evening and wow! So much I needed to hear and how encouraging and helpful it has been. Especially this article. I’m in my mid 20s and recently came out of a 5year relationship, so am feeling it a bit. So thanks for writing it and thanks to all those who have shared their break-up testimonies. It has given me that little extra strength/hope I needed 🙂

    Reply
  10. Tasha

    Amazing post! I’m in my twenties and just went through a really bad breakup. We’re still kind of friends because I’m finding it pretty difficult moving on. But this article really helped. Thank you so much. Please write more on such topics?

    Reply
  11. Queenofqueens

    This article was what I needed at this time. Finally, 5 months ago I ended a toxic relationship after “forcing wrong” for almost two years. #’s 2 and 3 really hit home for me. While I was thinking he was “The one” he didn’t even come close. And like in Greek mythology, the Phoenix bird that is cyclically regenerated or reborn. I feel like I’m going through this process right now. It’s hard and I actually still miss him sometimes. But if I’m honest with myself, I feel like I’m back to normal with him out of my life. I found out some things about him that was very unnerving. He lied about so many things. I’m starting to branch out now and do more things for myself. Also thankfully I have good friends and family to talk and hang out with. I know God has better things in store for me. And the first thing I’m going to start off with is the gym! I’m heading there right now after a long while. It’s a new beginning for me and I’m looking forward to it. Thank you so much for your uplifting and inspiring words!

    Reply
  12. sahil makhija

    Short and true.. That’s the best that that could ever happen to you.. Everybody deserves it..

    Reply

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