The Secret to Finding THE ONE

Marriage will not fix your problems

 

What’s the biggest secret to finding The One? How do you find the right person to marry?” a single friend asked me this weekend.

Sure we were getting strapped into The Scorcher at the time, a roller coaster that was about to hurdle us 100 mph into the air with belts tightened in places you don’t want belts tightened.

But when he asked me the secret to finding The One, I knew the answer instantly. And I was surprised that the answer was a pretty dang good one.

The intensity of the moment gave me an enlightened sense of clarity. That, or it was the funnel cake talking.

“The Secret to Finding The One?”

The answer is simple.

Stop looking.

Seriously, Stop Looking for The One

I remember in my 20s being obsessed with looking for The One. My eyes always on high alert like I was searching for an extinct bird.

Health food stores became an excuse to find some basil, quinoa, and my soul-mate for life. Church services were spent scanning the aisles, my eyes resting on a possible-possibility as I let out a “Praise Jesus”.

Oh, and I had some serious run-ins with “this-is-the-One-I swear-it.” You know the kind. At first, you’re positive it’s the genuine thing. But just like buying that knock-off pair of sunglasses, something always breaks in about a month.

  •  Why were all the girls I dated all so insecure?
  •  Why were they so unsure with who they were and what they wanted?
  •  Why couldn’t I find the right person?

The Single Song-and-Dance

I was doing my usual being-single-sucks song-and-dance with my mentor, when he gave me a piece of advice that changed my whole strategy.

 “Stop worrying about finding the right person. Start working on becoming the right person.”

The Secret to Marrying the Right Person | How Find "The One"

Be the Right Person to Marry 

Why were all the girls I dated so insecure?

Because I was so insecure.

Why were all the girls I dated so unsure of what they wanted?

Because I had no freaking clue.

Like attracts like.  And the girls I liked were a lot like me, and what we both were like, was somewhat unlikable.

I wanted to find someone to heal from my insecurities, when I really needed to heal from my insecurities, so that I could find someone. 

My life was spent walking in circles with bags filled with crap. So I attracted travelers with the same set of luggage on the same journey.

You can’t meet someone in Hawaii when you’re begrudgingly walking circles around Newark. You can’t find someone on a trip you refuse to go on.

Job of Inner-Work

So for years I began to intentionally travel down the rocky, scary path that Parker Palmer calls “inner work”. I opened up my closet doors and faced the monsters I’d been harboring for far too long.

Scary creatures called insecurity, depression, anxiety, and self-hatred.

Did these monsters tuck tail and run the first moment I shed light on them? Heck-no. They fought for their lives. But through prayer, mentorship, honest conversations, and falling flat on my face time and time again, the monsters began to shrink as my light began to grow.

Marrying The One Will Not Fix Any of Your Problems

Now that I’ve been married for four years to an amazing woman, I still understand that getting married will not, and does not, fix any of your problems. No, getting married will just show you how many problems you really have.

Your spouse will open all those closet doors and if you haven’t tackled your monsters, watch out for when they attack. Typically when your in-laws are over. They love that.

“When we are insecure about our own identities, we create settings that deprive people of their identities as a way of buttressing our own” ~ Parker Palmer

And while I have no idea what “buttressing” means, I’m pretty sure it has something to do with being an ass.

So stop looking for the right person and focus on becoming the right person.

I promise, right attracts right.

If you’ve ever met my wife, you know the strategy paid off for me 1,000 times over.


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85 Comments

  1. Megan A.

    Love this post, Paul! I went through the “why are they all ______” thing and the rough realization that I was a hot mess of didn’t-have-my-shit-together a handful of years back. I put myself on Boy Probation (as I called it) to give myself time to become the best version of me I could muster up. That was 4 years ago – and I’m still working on it. (Okay – so maybe I got really comfortable while on Boy Probation and it may have lasted longer than needed.) I did give in a few weeks ago and decide I’m ready though. We’ll see if probation paid off! 🙂

    Reply
    • admin

      Ha. Well said Megan.

      “Boy Probation”. Pretty sure you should copyright that phrase.

      Reply
      • nazanin

        hi. its pretty true about me.im tired with searching.

  2. perfectnumber628

    Good post! I think the advice to “stop looking” for that “one perfect person” and focus on becoming a better person yourself is dead-on.

    But still, I think that’s only half the story- it’s not wrong to look, it’s not wrong to WANT to find a husband/wife. God invented marriage and gave us that desire.

    There has to be a balance between setting a crazy-high, impossible standard for some magical perfect person that fits all my selfishness and weird quirks, and not looking at all. What is that balance? I don’t know- trying to figure it out for myself right now.

    Reply
  3. admin

    Definitely. Couldn’t agree more. Great thoughts.

    When I say “stop looking” I don’t really expect, nor think we should, put on blinders and look solely inward. As long as we have eyes and a heart, we’ll always look. And look we should.

    It’s just amazing how your perspective changes. How you look in a different way when your focus changes.
    Thoughts?

    Reply
  4. Kristy

    I’m sure this is sound advice, but I do get frustrated when my married friends take their own personal experience and turn it into a panacea for all single people. I hear “All you have to do is…put yourself out there…stop looking…take up hobbies…create space in your life…”

    I’m sure all of it is good advice (if at times, conflicting), but I don’t believe there is one single ‘secret’ to finding a spouse. That’s just not how God works – He’s not making cookie-cutter stories out of our lives. Everyone has a different path, a different story, a different experience.

    Some people get married long before they become the ‘right’ person. And some people will put in all the hard work to become that ‘right’ person, and still end up single. There’s no one, right, ‘simple’ fix.

    Further, taking this advice a step further unfortunately lends itself to the belief that people who are married must all be totally secure, mature people, while single people must still need to work on themselves. I.e. married people deserve their married status, while single people are ‘works in progress’ who clearly deserve to be alone while they clean up their act.

    That is *not* what you are saying with this post, I know. Not accusing you of saying that. It’s just that I’ve been burned before by that sort of attitude, which I think easily stems from the idea that marriage is some reward for getting your sh*t together.

    Reply
    • perfectnumber628

      Kristy- yes, I totally agree with you- there’s not some magical secret, because everyone is different. I feel like I’ve spent so much time trying to analyze everything, read books on dating, ask for advice, pray, etc- trying to figure out what I needed to do in order for God to reward me with a husband. (I wrote about this a bit here: Follow God and Snag a Guy.)

      In reality, dating happens when 2 people decide to date. And you can speculate a lot about what circumstances lead to dating, etc, but at the end of the day, that’s how it happens.

      Reply
    • Jack

      Agreed. Well said. I think, frankly, people who live lives as singles happily have their shit together better than others. It takes a stronger person with better inner senses to live that way well. Marriages often find co-dependent people who NEED something from others, because they haven’t figured it out for themselves. Not everyone, but a lot of the younger people I see getting married know NOTHING of themselves, and put everything into a relationship without a clue. I’m in my mid… 30s and am JUST reaching a point I think I might be able to develop a healthy relationship with someone on a deeper level than just acquaintance. Friends in my 20s were people I get fucked up with, or could have a good conversation with but never talked to after moving. And we DO all have our own paths. I think the idea of marriage is convoluted. It’s a romantic notion put forth by movies and tradition, not by practicality for living self-enriching lives. But what do I know?

      Reply
    • lunanoire

      Right, as some people are in arranged marriages and some people are child brides.

      Reply
  5. Neil Bruinsma

    Love this post. A lot of wisdom here.

    Reply
    • admin

      Thanks Neil

      Reply
  6. talia

    so good….this is definitely the best piece of advice I could give a single person.

    Reply
    • admin

      Thanks Talia!

      Reply
  7. mike

    I think you meant “WRIGHT attracts right.” Because I suck, and she’s so so so right.

    Anyway, love this post man. This insight is pure gold, and for sure would have saved me a lot of dumbness in high school… and college…. and after college. Okay, I’m not sure I figured this out before my wife crashed into my life, but it still is really really good advice.

    Reply
    • admin

      Ha. Thanks Mike.

      Reply
  8. Agatha

    Stop Looking = amen!
    So true & completely agree

    Reply
  9. Shannyn @frugalbeautiful.com

    I dated some duds while I was in grad school. Clingers, committment phobes… then I took a good look in the mirror and went “Wow, aren’t I just swinging from one polar opposite to the other in my own behavior?” I was either desperate to make this guy “THE ONE” so badly it clouded my judgement or I was running away from a new guy like the plague.

    A week after I graduated, I went out just for fun- I had nothing invested in that evening and in fact, didn’t want to meet someone… I was peacin’ out of Chicago and wanted nothing of it… I was onto bigger things.

    Then I saw a guy sitting alone at the event we were at and said hi… and now, I’m in a relationship, training for a half marathon (when I met him, I laughed in his face when he said he ran for fun) and am looking for my options back in Chi… ya, I totally stand by your advice since I lived it!

    Before I met “the guy” I spent a ton of time reading books & working on my own passions/hobbies. I still met a few duds that totally didn’t jive, but that was because I finally KNEW what I really, truly needed and wanted. Any guy that wasn’t marriage material? No dice buddy… it was so much easier, and when a guy came that met the criteria, I was ready. 🙂

    Great post!

    Reply
    • admin

      Thanks Shannyn for sharing your story. So true and so applicable.

      It just seems to be you can’t go wrong bringing as much personal stability as you can to this crazy little thing called love

      Reply
    • admin

      Thanks Courtney

      Reply
  10. snowfoxbandit

    (you have a few typos, but…) Love the article 🙂

    Reply
    • admin

      Yep, typos are what happens when I try to write and post at 5 am without my amazing wife reading it through first 🙂

      Reply
  11. Tanya

    This is an insanely good post, Paul. Love it! Renee at The Feminine Woman blog talks a lot about these concepts too, and I agree. To find the “right person”, you have to become that right person. (And yep, it’s no picnic… been dredging my own “monsters” lately.) Anyway, great thoughts!

    P.S.
    The second I read “buttressing”, I stopped and was like…what the heck does that mean? I laughed SO hard. Haha!

    Reply
    • admin

      Ha. Thanks Tanya for the kind words.

      Buttressing is definitely the word of the week!

      Reply
  12. Julie (@InciteFaith)

    Well, this one hurt to read.

    Ouch and OUCH again!

    Thank you for the conviction today. 🙂

    Reply
  13. Julz

    So this “inner-work” / taggling the monsters (damn they give me a hard time) will pay off?? ´Cause I was about ready to quit therapy and stop facing my insecurities!! They really DO fight for their lives and I’m tired! But hey, thanks for the post, I´ll be sure to keep working through my issues even though it’s exhausting!!

    Reply
  14. Noe

    Thanks for answering my question! 🙂 some great insight!

    Reply
  15. Julie

    I found this website through pinterest and I am so glad I did! Thanks for writing about the twenties. I need to listen to this guidelines and stop looking! Thank you again for posting this and for putting out this website!!!!

    Reply
    • admin

      Thanks Julie for these kind words. I’m honored

      Reply
  16. Jeremy Statton

    I totally agree with this. If we focus on being and becoming the right person, then we will attract the right kind of person.

    Reply
    • admin

      Thanks Jeremy

      Reply
  17. Claire

    I went through a phase of hating watching other people be happy. I definitely experienced depression and stress and had my days of hating to be single. I’m obviously not alone in that, lots of people have those feelings. And I don’t think I went on a single date during that period of time. That’s because misery isn’t attractive. It took a while, but I decided to be a happy person. Eventually, I realized that I was happy just by myself. It wasn’t long after that my old friend became my boy friend who became my fiance who became my husband. Everyone is different, but I very firmly believe you can never make someone else happy until you can make yourself happy. Great article, I loved it!

    Reply
    • admin

      Thanks Claire for sharing your story and the kind words!

      Reply
    • Leelee

      Claire, “You can never make someone else happy until you can make yourself happy.” I think this is why my current beau cannot make me happy. He isn’t able to make himself happy. And that’s just so saddening.

      Reply
  18. Erin

    Leelee – I just ended a long term relationship because of the same reason. He needs to work on himself and make himself the person he wants to be before he can contribute to a relationship. That being said its not easy to make the decision to leave someone you love knowing they have that potential but they just aren’t motivated. It is really sad when you feel you’re ready for more but the person you’re with isn’t the right one. And married people are just as messed up as single people! Just because you have a title of husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/single doesn’t mean anything. Im really struggling with the aftermath and feeling of loneliness of ending a relationship with someone I care about because it just wasn’t right… Even though I know it is the right decision…

    Reply
  19. Leelee

    Erin, happiness, like success, is a journey, not a destination. The sooner a person realizes this fact, the sooner they can enjoy their life, kinks and all, with another person. What you must do, is depend on yourself for your support and happiness, and live your life by example. What happens, slowly but surely, is that the unhappy person sees the happy person, and realizes that they have the power to create their own happiness. That is love, that is faith, and that, is friendship.

    Reply
  20. Cecily Watson

    Thanks for this article. It is true that you just need to be patient to find the right one for you. All those searching may just leave you exhausted so it is better to wait and see what happens.

    Reply
  21. MJ

    GREAT POST! Favorite quote: “I wanted to find someone to heal from my insecurities, when I really needed to heal from my insecurities, so that I could find someone.”

    I wish I had done that before I started dating. Much more difficult to go through that process in dating and marriage. That’s why I’m sharing this with my friends at https://www.facebook.com/FMUniversity.

    Reply
    • admin

      Thanks MJ!

      Reply
  22. Deb

    This assumes that “the right kind of person” is hanging out where you are, waitng to notice you. As a 40 year old single I’ve not seen that hoppen. I say…do all you can to search diligently! The right kind of person isn’t going to just magically drop into your life. Or only in a very few cases. But if a good spouse is to be “treasureed about rubies” its worth diligently serching. It will still be up to God how the results of that search ends up, and the process of searching will be a perfect oppurtunity to grow in dependence on him.

    Reply
  23. AM

    These days there is No such thing as the right person, unlike years ago that would’ve been much easier.

    Reply
    • Science girl

      This is just complete nonesence. Your standards are clearly too unrealistic…

      Reply
      • WomenHaveChangedUnfortunately

        We are living in a completely different time today unlike years ago which the good old fashioned women were Definitely so much Nicer and a Hell of a lot Easier to meet compared to the women of today that are NOT so nice at all Unfortunately which is the Real Reason why many of us Good men are still Single now.

      • Francoise Sfeir

        Not all of girls they are the same

      • WomenHaveChangedUnfortunately

        Most of the women nowadays are very Pathetic unfortunately, especially the ones that have the Attitude Problem.

      • WomenHaveChangedUnfortunately

        Most women now have a very Serious Attitude Problem and No Manors at all which makes it very hard for us Single men looking for Real Love today unfortunately.

  24. Jack

    I like this article, and while I can only comment on certain aspects of it (being unmarried, myself, and having had plenty of short-lived yet intense relationships, often hating everyone until I meet “the one” who shows me misery after a month or two), it seems to hit the nail pretty dead on in many ways. That being said, if the author would like to respond, I would love to delve deeper. What makes one person so special, what makes being around one person that much so great? There are people I meet who I get along with really well and like as human beings (their values, personality, interests). I jive with these people, but … ugh. Current scenario – I just started seeing someone. She’s pretty cool, but has already blown me off a couple times at the VERY last minute when we had plans. I have an Airbnb guest staying with me this weekend. She’s from the midwest (like me), was raised Jewish but isn’t religious (like me), is laid back enough without being dull, lives in NYC now (I used to live in a few big cities), loves travel, hiking (same) and we’re hitting it off great! She’s engaged, a guest for two days, so nothing in my mind says anything will come of it, but it does make me think about meeting the right person. She seems like she would be great to be around, we’ve made excellent living partners in my small condo the past day now, etc. I attracted this person into my life. She works as an ICU nurse (awesome to me). Just seems perfect in so many ways. Not to say I know her through and through, but we definitely get along and relate in a lot of ways. So, if that’s the case, do I not need to work on anything? Should I forget about the girl I’m seeing? I don’t want to, she’s great, and the only person I’ve met that I can really relate to and have fun with in three months living in a small mountain town. What…. I just want to know what’s up completely. If someone could just tell me what to do to have great people around me, that would be awesome. But my town is population 5,000 with many more tourists than that, most residents are retired and over 60, or 20 year old ski bums with drug problems. I’m a rare breed in a middle ground that barely exists here. Can’t move, don’t want to. I just signed on my own condo, it’s GORGEOUS here, I need outdoor access to be happy. It’s just the people thing. It seems hard to meet the right people anywhere I go, yet when it comes to meeting travelers just passing in and out of my life, they wind up being a little higher caliber. I always seem to meet the good ones fleetingly, and the bullshit ones linger until I sever it. What does this mean? What can I do?

    Reply
    • Kelsbels

      Your a commitment phobe 🙂

      Reply
  25. TheTruthKnows

    How in the world can many of us good single men meet a good woman to settle down with now that there are so many women today that are very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, and very picky today? It is very hard to find a good one that isn’t like that these days since many of these women will Never Ever go with a man that makes much less money than they do since many women today have their Careers which many of the women today are making a very high salary since they will want the Best and won’t settle for Less. How sad that Most women today Can’t Accept a good man for who he is anymore since it is all about Money for them.

    Reply
    • Science girl

      Stop going only for the super thin supermodel-level attractive ones and give plane jane a go….

      Reply
      • TheTruthKnows

        The real Trouble is that the women of today are Certainly Nothing at all like the Real Good old fashioned women were since today there are so many Career women that are so very Greedy, Selfish, and so very Money Hungry which is the Real Reason why many of us Good men are still Single today for your information. So it is really Impossible to find one that is Not like that these days Unfortunately since today the times are very much Different than back then as you can see. I m Not looking for Beauty by the way since Beauty does fade eventually in time. Too many Money Hungry women out there these days like i just mentioned with my last comment which many of us men are Not to Blame.

  26. RealityCheck

    No such thing.

    Reply
  27. Reality

    There is really No such thing as the right person these days, especially for us Good men still looking for a Good woman to settle down with.

    Reply
    • Valerie

      Well said but I just wanna add some vital information to your opinion in the sense that Biblicaly speaking as a ‘man’, God said “He who finds a ‘wife’, finds a “GOOD THING” and obtains “FAVOR” from the Lord”. So it all depends on who, or what you are searching for. And Yes, as the man, you have an obligation to find a WIFE not a Good woman. cos she might be good in your own definition but not approved by God. Hence God new what he was doing when he said He who finds a WIFE……… Even if it means leaving your comfort zone to embark on your journey and remember that God also added that He obtains FAVOR also. So that should tell you that the process of searching and finding is not all that rosy or smooth. A lot of effort, patience, hope, love, commitment, forgiveness, understanding, perseverance, e.t,c is required from the Man and also Humility which according to the scriptures brings “God’s Word’. So how can you find something that precious when you don’t receive directions from the originator of marriage? It is like preparing a meal for the first time without using a guide or cookery book for directions and the result trust me would be devastating as compared to when you make use of your cookery book. In other words, you need your manual (GOD) and you also need to have a clearer understanding of what you need to search for. Using some Biblical references, Isaac went in search for a WIFE, Boaz, Jacob, e.t.c. and the promise attached to ‘finding a WIFE was achieved in the course of their marriages. So please i suggest you take the first step which is your foundation before jumping to the end result. And it is actually not possible for you to get a good result if at all there is without the basics and believe me that GOODNESS you seek and need would be made available. You also need to keep practicing on maintaining a positive mindset, cos out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh. Please i really do not mean to sound rude tho and i apologize if i actually did. Thank you

      Reply
      • Reality

        And today many women are very money hungry, selfish, and very spoiled too which makes it very hard meeting a Good one that is Not like that these days. And it is just too bad that i wasn’t born at a much Earlier time when the real Good old fashioned women were around since i definitely would’ve been all settled down by now with a Good wife and family just like our family members were since it was so much Easier for them finding Love with each other in those days. A real change today from years ago. And many men and women back then really had to Struggle to make ends meat since they hardly had any money at all back then which many of them at that time were living with their parents too. Today my aunt and uncle are now starting their 68th year together which it was certainly meant to be for them since they met when they were little kids back then going to school together. Peace.

      • Kelsbels

        There are women out there who are a tad old fashioned ‘hallo’ 🙂 the problem is we are bombarded with images of women in next to nothing making gestures with sexual references and singing about how they want it, how they take it and how absolutely anyone can have it! Put it this way, if I was a chocolate fudge brownie at £5 and opposite me was a bag of free brownies, what would u go for? Women hold the power but they just scrabble over each other flashing what they got and making a mockery of womankind.

      • Reality

        Well as you can see how women over the years have changed since the good old days when it was so much Easier for the other men at that time that are all settled down by now with their family which many of us Good men today are still Single which many of us are Not single by choice at all. Like i just mentioned with my other comment how the women are totally different now which does make it tough for many of us men that really Do want a relationship, so we really have No reason to Blame ourselves at all which i am sure many others will agree with me as well. Too many very Greedy and selfish women out there nowadays that are Feminists which really adds to the problem which they have really Ruined us men that really can be very faithful to just One woman and we would really know how to treat a woman with a lot of Love and Respect as well.

      • Science girl

        ‘Oh boo hoo its so much harder for us poor men now’…seriously!? A pitty party!? No wonder your still single. No wonder you havent found a ‘good women’! Your too bloody picky! ‘Oh she cant be feminist, she has to stay home and be like a slave to me cooking me dinner and surcum to my every order to me to boost my ego and make me feel like a man’.

        Seriously thats pathetic. My man is confident in himself and respects me. He loves that im a strong intellegent woman with great career drive. And when it comes to it I will be willing to sacrifice my career for my family, but untill then, im going for it, and he supports me in it.

        God created women to be strong, and nurturing and to inspire. That old fashions stay at home, dont work type of women is not what God has intended for women. Sure we are good at rasing a family, but we also have many other skills and abilities wich God can use. But men being all insecure about women being smart and strong is the problem- not the women.

      • Reality

        Women are Not women anymore these days Unfortunately.

      • Reality

        Since Most of you women are so very Greedy And Selfish which lets face it many women will Never date a man that makes much Less Money than they do since it is a real shame that many women are so very Power Money Hungry today. I will be very happy to meet a Good woman with a very nice Personality since Most women now are very Pathetic since their Personality really Stinks now Unfortunately since it is all about them. Most Single women will Never be Marriage Material at all since they really Can’t be Trusted and most likely are the Biggest Cheaters anyway since they really Can’t be Faithful to just Only One Man anymore. This is why Good men like us are still Single and always will be.

      • And The Truth Is

        Said the very pathetic low life loser herself.

      • lunanoire

        Single women outnumber single men in churches. Maybe trying a different church will help.

      • Darcy

        Finding a husband is not like finding a lottery ticket or making the NBA or becoming a movie star. There is a legit/linear path to finding a husband. You consult a pastor or rabbi that knows what they are doing. You show them you are marriage material and they help you as they know at this point in history there will be no help. Put faith into the religious community instead of mainstream society and watch the change. The liberal oversexualized woman has ruined the confidence of pure up and comers. Those living like floozies are wrecking it for those who have discipline and wait for love. OKAY NO MORE WAITING FOR LOVE. You know damn well what to do. You have to have a loving spirit but you will never be fully ready (your grandparents will vouch for that). Too much work on yourself will repel somebody. Too much overthinking…. way too much self torture. FIND HIM YOURSELF (OR WITH THE HELP OF THOSE WHO BELIEVE SIMILARILY). You will need a matchmaker of some kind… it’s true. But no husband is going to bump into you at the bus terminal like in these romantic comedies. Online dating is not nearly as successful as being reported. You need to find him the way your grandmother found him. This is brutal honesty… Get in the right environment around men and women that are successfully married. You could be 16 or 60. It may be harder to get married if you are old but it is still possible to find your match. What is to blame is the general disregard for what is important in society: I can’t tell you how negatively I was effected by feminism and misinformation regarding gender roles, etc. Luckily I still have my youth but the clock is ticking. You will not live forever. Your body and life on earth is temporary. You are supposed to do the right thing and honor G-d. If you believe in the family unit and that your life is incomplete without a spouse…. then finding someone to marry IS EVERYTHING. In a world where marriage is made a mockery… and it is more common to have a one night stand from using Tinder… how can we possibly live properly and function? People are not acting properly. THE ONLY GOOD NEWS IS… THERE ARE MEN THAT DONT WANT FREE BROWNIES. THERE ARE OLD SCHOOL GUYS (though few and maybe far between… they do exist). You have to force yourself to relax and realize there ARE those who believe like you. Conservative people value marriage… liberals usually do not. Divorce is not an abrupt casual thing. It should not be common. It should not be an option really… People need to remember what is important and be humbled by true companionship at all. You must look in the right circles. You aren’t gonna find marriage material at a pub or out on the town…. You’ll find somebody in a religious setting or political volunteer setting. Possibly a sports facility…. maybe a coffee house… If you want a committed relationship first be the woman worthy of being committed too. Whatever your core values are… you need to assess them and be sure of the type of person you are looking for. You need someone who understands you.

      • Ken

        That is the kind of story that touches my heart, alott of women today do not know or want good morals. Very few women are old fashioned anymore.

      • And That Is The Truth

        It is very sad that the women of today have really changed for the worst of all, and most women now want men with money and God forbid if they ever went with a man that makes less money.

  28. Darcy

    These are not educational comments/advice at all. You were supposed to wait for marriage. You’re supposed to date in order to marry. DATE TO MARRY. You were supposed to not be jaded: by keeping your legs closed and making a man wait for it. It’s common sense. You’re supposed to ignore jealous people. You were supposed to heal men and not be a 40 year old woman who worshipped her career instead of conducting herself properly. MEN HAVE NO INCENTIVE TO MARRY (in mainstream society for the most part) BECAUSE THEY CAN GET LAID AND HAVE A LIVE IN HOUSEKEEPER AND SMARTPHONE BUDDY FOR FREE. They swipe left or right and think instant gratification is fruitful or fulfilling/healthy… it is not. This is hell on earth for those in bad environments with no mentors. A woman knows herself at 18-21. That’s the age to marry. That’s how it used to be…. and that is how it should be again. Feminism is pure evil and utter non sense. IF a woman was raised properly and listens to biology…. with oldschool ethics and discipline in place… she will know it is her duty to find someone to marry. She will travel the world volunteering or hanging out at every appropriate location until she meets someone over coffee who wants the same thing. Good looks don’t hurt. Following mainstream media and listening to jealous (usually ugly and infertile liberals) will get you no where. Go for the religious men or shy men who can’t do anything but code and play sports all day because the modern woman creep them out. Likes do attract likes… The clean (other than having been raped due to coercion and piss poor mothering but great fathering) will attract the men who GET WHAT A MIRACLE SHE IS.

    Reply
  29. Truth

    No such thing today which the Good old days was Totally a different story.

    Reply
  30. Vivian Johnson

    My name is Vivian Johnson, Am from USA, I had a serious quarrel with my husband due to my parent, my parent never liked him to be my husband, but i love him so much that i will rather die to let him go off me, that was how i met this great man called DR. Akpata online, he told me that everything will be fine that he can cast a spell that will make my parent love him and allow me to marry him without any quarrel truly it came to pass my mum and dad love him more than ever before we are now happily married,please help me in thanking him for his help, here is the email: [email protected] ALSO CONTACT HIM FOR HELP IF YOU HAVE ANY PROBLEM.

    Reply
  31. Angie Dorothy

    I have been married for over 11 years now,
    me and my husband met in the church many years before we started dating,
    we had a loving relationship until my husband started acting strange
    by getting very angry over little issues,coming home very late,
    refusing to spend time with me…
    I was then introduced to some professional hackers
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    contact them on [hackdemon4] @ gmail. com Tell them it’s from dorothy

    Reply
  32. And That Is The Truth

    What one are you talking about? Today unfortunately most women aren’t marriage material anymore nowadays.

    Reply
  33. Ofek

    This is very inspiring. I’m just dating someone who is depressed and have a general negative approach for life. These are two monsters that are within myself and I’m in the process of winning them over. Your post made my mind think in new ways. Thanks!

    Reply
  34. Rimjhim Aggarwal

    Awesome post in reality! The thought, “Did I wed the ideal individual?” is frequently solicited when one or both from the companions do not anymore feel the sentiment in the marriage and while getting things done for their accomplice turns out to be to a greater degree a task as opposed to a pleasurable demonstration of affection. No doubt about it. Love is not an inclination. It is, somewhat, the ability to develop oneself for the otherworldly development of either. Love is a choice and ought not to be mixed up as an inclination which is transitory. Here is a must-read post for everyone: https://www.matrimonialsindia.com/blog/marry-the-complicated-one-the-girl-no-guy-wants-but-every-guy-needs.htm Thanks!

    Reply
  35. Chirag Patel

    Guys..We have posted the videos on youtube regarding this for example: what you should do for maintaining the long-term relationship and also what kinds of activity you should do and many more. Kindly spend 2 to 3 min which can help you to find the right person. Here is the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFNi9JTFSM4
    Do share your valuable feedback on it and also subscribe to the channel to get more such videos and tips. Before watching this video you take a right decision. Its a good video for making a decision for choosing right decision either in the firm or in the house.

    Reply
  36. LOL For Many Of Us Men Looking

    Well unfortunately with most single women nowadays sleeping around with different men all the time which they will never be able to settle down with only one man anyway. Enough said right there.

    Reply
  37. Santino Ganni

    Great Article : the basis of the problem ” if you knew better you would do better” We are not taught by society to look inward and learn to love yourself first and because a sound stable beig. Western civilization prides itself on external fulfillments which later just lead to failed expectations , ( one major one being in a relationship). Our parents didn’t know better, our teachers don’t know better, so how are you supposed to know . How ?? like most through trial and error, you begin to realize that without a devout love for yourself and living a joyful life you will not have that in a partner . Keep in mind most “relationships” friendships are a Mirror of who we are. So If simply a relationship isn’t to your desire , you must begin to work on yourself, find beauty in solitude , and get out of any relationship that isn’t enhancing your life . That is simply the point , you should be so overfilled with Joy that in pours onto another . If not life is much better/easier to walk alone, until that special someone comes into your life . You attract what you are , you want something great , make sure you are great . Keep the balance …

    Reply
  38. maria

    This is my testimony about the good work of Dr Paul who help me…. I’m Katherine from usa. And am sorry for putting this on net but i will have to by this world top spell caster that brought back my husband which left me out for past 3 years, i eventually met this man on a blog site posting by one of is client for help, i explained everything to him and he told me about a spell caster that he had heard about and he gave me an email address to write to the spell caster to tell him my problems. In just 2 days, my husband was back to me. I just want to say thank you to this truthful and sincere spell caster, sir all you told have come to pass and thank you sir. Please i want to tell everyone who is looking for any solution to problem, i advice you to kindly consult this spell caster, he is real,he is powerful and whatever the spell caster tell is what will happen, because all what the spell caster told me came to pass. You can kindly contact him on: his email address is [email protected] or directly on whasapp +2349051441669

    Reply
  39. Amy Niagara

    Yeah this didn’t help

    Reply
  40. Jordan Grace

    i want to use this medium to testify of how i got back my ex husband after divorce, i and my husband have been married for 8 years with 2 kids, we have been a happy family. Last year his behavior towards me and the kids changed, i suspected he was meeting another woman outside out marriage, any time i confronted him, he threatened to divorce me, i did all i could to make hings right but all to no avail until i saw a post on a “love and relationship forum” about a spell caster who helps people to cast spell on marriage and relationship issues, when i contacted this spell caster via email, he helped me cast a re-union spell and my husband changed and came apologizing to me and the kids. Contact this great spell caster for your relationship or marriage issues via this email: or Whats App him on +2349065398067 Good luck

    Reply
  41. Sarah Linfield

    it is 3 years now since i and my ex husband reunited through the powerful love spell of Dr Henry. i once thought there was no more hope after getting divorced out of my 8 years marriage, but my view of this changed when my friend introduced me to voodoo spells and magics . I was opportune to get in contact with Dr. Henry, the man who returned my ex husband’s love back to me in 24 hours after 5 years of separation. My life was in a deep mess before i experienced his life changing love spells which have still kept me happily married till now. You could also solve your marriage cases and get your ex’s love back by consulting Dr. Henry on [email protected] or [email protected]

    Reply
  42. Janet Eddy

    I contacted Mr. Femi okuns, after wasting time on other so called witches & spell-casters. I spent thousands of dollars with no results. Up to the point where I contacted via email: [email protected] I had No contact with my lost love,my husband whom he helped to bring back to me permanently.I realized Dr was special, because,the day and moment i sent our details,He asked me to call my husband, after two months of No contact at all.from that point,everything changed,now my husband is back to me. Mr. Femi has since cast 3 different spells for my friends and all are working fine.the days whilst he is performing the spells, He is there, as he says on his site 24/7. I live in the UK, and the time difference makes it difficult to keep in touch within reasonable hours, but he is always willing to listen and cast spells. I am confident that the results you wish for will manifest when you contact Mr. Femi okuns,via email: [email protected]. whatsapp +2348133586416, I want to share my testimony he is more than a wizard, he is a friend, mentor and HERBAL HEALER & spiritual spell-caster Contact on whatsapp or call: +2348133586416, today for your HERBAL CURE and spell

    Reply
  43. Guest

    Today finding love for many of us single guys isn’t really easy at all like it use to be in the old days. Women back then didn’t have much at all, and most men and women were very poor in those days. Now most women today are very independent, and don’t need a man at all since they can really make it on their own. But that made it very difficult for many of us single guys really looking for a relationship since most women want men with the very big bank accounts today unfortunately. And to think how much different women were back in the past since today the great majority of the women are very high maintenance, independent, like i mentioned, very very selfish, greedy, spoiled, picky, and very money hungry as well these days especially. That is why there is no such thing as the one today, unlike years ago it would’ve been much easier just like our family members had it when they met one another. Oh Boy, have women changed these days unfortunately.

    Reply
  44. Anonymous

    Today many women have very severe mental problems, especially the ones that will even Curse at many of us single guys that are looking for love for no reason. And i know friends that had women Curse them out as well. What is up with that?

    Reply

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