7 Cures for a Quarter Life Crisis

by Paul Angone 44 Comments

Oh yes, the infamous Quarter Life Crisis in your twenties.

One day you’re jogging along in your 20s with bounce and buoyancy as upbeat music confirms with every step that you can take on the freaking world.

The next day, you’re sprawled out on the couch wishing you could live in a 90’s sitcom, Death Cab for Cutie in the background confirming with every melody that you can’t even take on your laundry, let alone the world.

I’ve written about the 25 Signs You are Having a Quarter Life Crisis and Why Your Quarter Life Crisis Might Be the Best Thing to Happen to You.

Now let’s talk about when you’re smack dab in the middle of one.

How do we journey through a Quarter Life Crisis and come out the other side alive, kickin’, and ready to thrive?

Seven Cures for a Quarter Life Crisis

1. Crisis is Normal

Experiencing crisis in your twenties is like having gas after a steak and cheese burrito. Just because we don’t want to admit it, doesn’t mean we don’t all go through some bad spells.

Even our own parents most likely went through intense questioning and crisis in their twenties. They didn’t just teleport to success and stability. If we ask them what their twenties were like we might find out that as our parents got their stuff together, they went through their own stuff that sounds a lot like yours.

I love what author and teacher Parker Palmer wrote, while in his 60’s, about his own long season of turmoil and distress that started in his twenties:

“When I was young, there were very few elders willing to talk about their darkness; most of them pretended that success was all they had ever known…I thought I had developed a unique and terminal case of failure. I did not realize I had merely embarked on a journey toward joining the human race” – Parker Palmer, Let Your Life Speak

2. It’s More Transition than Quarter Life Crisis

Transitions start with an ending. Just like a break up with someone you hoped was “The One”, when you’re in major life transitions you’re breaking up with an important season of your life. You’re cutting the anchor that held you in that port, and as it splashes in the water it’s bound to produce some waves.

When you graduate from college, move across the country, leave friends or family – you’re not only leaving that place, familiarities, routines, and memories, but you’re also leaving who you were in that place. You’re saying goodbye to a season and even more dramatically, waving goodbye to who you used to be.

Sure bits and pieces will come with you, but just like that huge, comfortable couch in a bachelor pad, some big things will get left behind.

However, it is stuck smack dab in this void of “what now?” where you make the most progress. Maybe a Quarter Life Crisis is not just a stage to pass over, it’s a transition process to marinate in.

Let the overwhelming questions of “I have no idea where I’m going” guide you to where you want to be.

3. Limit Obsessive Comparison Disorder

Yes, I talk quite a bit about the new OCD that I think is running rampant through our generation, but until we cure our obsessive comparison disorder we will continue to light our internal crisis on fire and then feel the burn. Obsessively comparing yourself to others, becoming more and more frustrated that your _____ doesn’t look like theirs, is the absolute most effective way to take your crisis to unhealthy, eating raw cookie dough with a serving spoon, levels.

Find help for your quarter life crisis with Paul Angone’s best-selling book 101 Secrets For Your Twenties.

“I read this book in the middle of my quarter life crisis and it has helped so much!” – Marie, Amazon Review

“Hilarious, moving, and life changing…” – Jordan, Amazon Review

Over 184 5-Star reviews and counting on Amazon. Check out what people are saying about 101 Secrets For Your Twenties.

4. Kill Unmet Expectations

Maybe it’s time to put to death the unrealistic ideas of how instantly amazing your life should have been before these unmet expectations kill you over and over again. Success doesn’t happen in a day, it happens in decades. We are in the exact spot we are supposed to be, it just looks nothing like the picture on the front of the brochure. All the time, effort, struggle, and strain that we’re experiencing is not the roadblock to success, it is the stairwell that takes us to the view we were praying for all along.

5. Engage with a Crisis Community

We need to get better at talking through the struggle. Let’s stop putting on the “My Life is Amazing” Magic Show when no one’s in the audience to even watch. You are not alone in this. So many twenty-somethings are struggling, we’ve just become proficient at living by the deadly condition of MCDS — My Crap Doesn’t Stink — even when it’s smelling up our entire living room.

6. Don’t Sit and Stew and Simmer

Open up the windows. Let in some fresh air. Go for a run. Heck, maybe sign up for a marathon. Start yoga. Go to a church service. Read some books. Volunteer at a retirement home. If you have no idea what you’re doing in your life, just pick something that you know can’t be bad and just run with it. Sometimes the best answers come when we stop sitting around obsessing over finding them.

7. Have Faith in the Future

It might sound cliché, but we need to cling tight to our faith and hope in our future. Our belief in a rockin future, even when our present is currently rocking us, can be a piggy-back ride through the thorns and glass of a Quarter Life Crisis. Vicktor Frankel, WWII concentration camp survivor and author of “Man’s Search for Meaning”, wrote about this power of belief:

“The prisoner who had lost faith in the future – his future –was doomed. With his loss of belief in the future, he also lost his spiritual hold; he let himself decline and became subject to mental and physical decay.”

Maybe your faith in the future should also re-incorporate your actual faith as well. Maybe in your life God has felt as cold and distant as an Alaskan King Salmon. Ask God for clarity in this crisis and see what is revealed. Maybe it’s time to bring back your faith into your future.

Quarter Life Crisis Cures

Being 20-something can feel like a pug trying to climb a mountain. It’s slow, noisy, and un-pretty, but one tiny step after another and you somehow make it to the top.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below on what ideas you have for making it through a quarter life crisis. Did you resonate with any of the tips above?

Not sure if you’re going through a quarter-life crisis? Check the 25 Signs You Might Be Going Through a Quarter-Life Crisis.

Joanna

I definitely resonate with number 6. It is so easy during a quarter life crisis to ether fill your mind with worry and trying to fix things or become a bit numb from monotony. Because of that, I found it so important to fill my mind with lifegiving stuff.

I have been taking free online courses in topics as diverse as world music, the history of the internet and sociology through coursera.org. There is an online course for pretty much everything. Finishing the coursework each week provides a sense of achievement and something fun to rap my mind around.

I’ve also tried to attend as many arts and cultural events as I could. Once I started looking for things to do, I was amazed by how many free or very cheap activities I found. In the last year I’ve been to symphony orchestra concerts, tours of famous local architecture, modernist art galleries, multicultural festivals, outdoor art exhibitions and more. Going to such things is a good mental break and a reminder that regardless of how frustrated I am, there is still beauty and goodness and joy out there.
- admin
  
  Well said Joanna!
  
  “a reminder that regardless of how frustrated I am, there is still beauty and goodness and joy out there.”
  
  Definitely. Great perspective and strategy
Mel

Your timing is uncanny. I needed to read this exact post today – THANK YOU! :]

I will for sure be regularly reminding myself of #3 and #6 as I sludge through this (seemingly) never-ending quarter-life crisis of mine. I’m 25 though so I guess it’s appropriate. ;]

Thank you again. Your words are such an encouragement – as always.
- admin
  
  Thanks Mel! Your comment was extremely encouraging to me so thank you for returning the favor 🙂
Dan

#4 really hit home with me today. Drop expectations and move forward with confidence. Easy to feel like a failure if I haven’t reached quite where I want to go yet, and it’s important to remember to enjoy the ride knowing that we are right where we are supposed to be.
- admin
  
  Thanks Dan. “Drop expectations and move forward with confidence.” – Great line!
Susan @ Travel Junkette

YES to #2! I think the key is to revel in the uncertainty. Once you recognize all of the possibilities as freeing, rather than terrifying, I really think you’ll start to enjoy your 20s. know that’s how it happened for me!
- admin
  
  Thanks Susan! Love your line that a lot changes when we see “possibilities as freeing, rather than terrifying.”
Alana

I’m 25 and have been mid-crisis for a few years now. I can’t thank you enough for what you do. Articles like this are so much help. I’m printing this stuff out and posting it in my house. It’s hard being in your 20’s- I’m so thankful I found a group that understands and can give me real advice that I can use to help me through this transition!! A God-send, for real!
- admin
  
  Wow, thanks Alana. Pumped this article related with you so strongly and is helping you through this process. I’m sending you the 21 Secrets ebook right now as well! Just want to make sure you have as much ammo in your arsenal as possible right now 🙂 I’m here to help!
Erin Raymond

You’re amazing!! Every point was/is relevant to my life. Keep you the fantastic work.
- admin
  
  Thanks Erin!
varun

Thanks for writing this amazing article. I kind of feel good to know that i am not alone and that others are going through the same type of crisis. (misery loves company)

100% Yes to Points #3 and # 6, they really hit the nail on the head. You have shown what one can do to overcome their crisis.

I, personally have been stuck in this hole for 2 years now, and you are right about # 7. You have to have faith, believe that that things will work its self out in the end. Ironically only today i found out that my life is back on track! (Weird that i read this article today of all days.. coincidence or something else?)

anyways thanks for the article and look forward reading more!
- admin
  
  Awesome to hear Varun that things began to turn around the day you read this article. Isn’t it awesome when that happens.
Pauline

I went through a big quarter life crisis, left my job, relocated abroad, and couldn’t be happier. I thought I wanted the corporate life, the suburban home, the 1.2 kid, etc. and when you are young it is very hard to know what you want and what has been sold to you (by media, culture, family, tradition…). Only time will tell you.
aquarterforherthoughts

I love everything about this and all of your quarter life crisis posts. Great advice and nice to know we aren’t alone.

Check out my blog, http://aquarterforherthoughts.wordpress.com/… there might even be a shout out to your site in there 🙂
- admin
  
  Thanks!
Mo.

WOW!!!! And here I though I was going nuts. Thanks for a great article, its been an emotional couple of days , and I just feel so much better. ;-D
adrienne

I really did need this. I was obsessing over why I am single, why all of my friends are married with kids ( even tho they feel like they made mistakes). I am a good person a giver, why do I feel so alone? I juggle with the idea of online dating, because truth be told, i really like dating the old fashion way. But to be honest, before I met my ex in 2011, I was out enjoying my self not even thinking of being in a relationship. And then it presented itself. tuff relationship that lasted a year. It seems that the remedy is to do the same. Get out there enjoy life. Leave the past in the past, dont bank on the future, and take one day at a time!! Thanks for the advice i needed this.
Melanie

thank you for this post. the last couple days/weeks/months I’ve come to the conclusion that something just Is not right and I believe I am going through this horrible transition period that Is taking longer to overcome than i ever thought it would. In the span of a year I graduated university, planned a wedding and got married. And now i’m left with the Question of now what? I’ve got no hobbies after being in school for 6 years, I have no friends after relocating 3 years ago (between school and working 2 jobs I have no life). All my older friends from high school have a stable job and kids and I’ve left myself envious because thats where I thought I should be by 28…but here I am in endless amount of debt, a dead end job and I feel more alone than ever (despite being married to the best husband ever). This article has inspired me to get motivated and to change because I am the only the one who can change my life.
Katie

Great advice! Thank you! I will have to come back and re-read this next year when I turn 25! I turn 24 in 26 days and I’m already fighting having a quarter life crisis!
Financial Samurai

Remind yourself that you are only getting older, quicker, and to seize every moment of it!

Take more risks folks! You’ll regret more the things you didn’t do than the things you end up doing!

Sam
- Silvana
  
  personally, that is one of the single worst pieces of advice for me. it just causes me so much more anxiety because I’m worried I’m not doing or “seizing” enough. that I’m wasting time. those sorts of words terrify me because I don’t want to look back on my life wasted, yet I feel I’m doing everything I want to be doing at this moment. except maybe having a hard time making close friends.
Morgan Bolender

The cure for me is a process of ceasing to do things that don’t feel fulfilling and nourishing. Going cold turkey on whatever doesn’t feel burning with passion hasn’t been easy, but it’s SOOOOOOO worth it. I’d have never found what I really love if I didn’t stop doing everything else (in the vain attempt to “conform” and “keep up”).

My “YES!” is enormous since learning “no.”

I jive with this: “It is not a daily increase, but a daily decrease. Hack away at the inessentials.”
― Bruce Lee
Shannon

I felt compelled to post. I found such inspiration in this book and have experienced some personal revelations as to where parts of my current mindset are coming from. My biggest struggle I’ve been finally been able to figure out how to put into words is that I don’t know what I want. I feel paralyzed sometimes that I have no clear goal or picture. I tried the exercise to think about what I’m doing in 20,15,10 years and I am unable to see anything…The minute I decide on something whether it be professional or personal I find myself unmoved or uninspired. Maybe it’s fear or too many choices (a luxury many would say)? Thanks for your book and thanks to any others for your thoughts.
- Paul Angone – All Groan Up
  
  Thanks Shannon for sharing these wonderful and honest thoughts that I know so many of us can relate with. More and more I’m realizing that feeling follows action, and not the other way around. And if I just committ to something and just keep hammering away at, even when the motivation is lacking, then the feelings of inspiration and clarity follow the forward movement. Thanks again for reading my book and joining with us here. This is not easy, but it’s good.
Paul Angone

Thanks Shannon for sharing these amazing thoughts.

Yes I’d say many of us are drowning in options and possibilities. Sometimes I think the most effective thing we can do is pick one thing, and just go for it.
Mike T. King

These posts have helped me realize that my world is not truely crumbling around me, and that this seems to be a fairly common rough patch experienced by many people in their twenties. Life moves pretty quickly when you tranisiton through college/university and finally move to a big city to pursue a career. Then when you finally take a minute to stop and look around, all of the change in your life in such a short period of time seems overwhelming. This really helps exlpain those nights where I don’t leave the house and devour an entire pizza to myself, or find myself sitting by the water at 3am wondering what the heck I am doing. Thanks and keep up the good work!
TenRocke

I am thankful to have read this post. 8 months ago, my ex broke off our relationship (and engagement) and it completely crushed me. From that event, my life started to spiral out of control and understanding. I began serial dating, smoking marijuana everyday, and fell into a real depression from trying to avoid my emotions. I started having panic attacks, and other physical symptoms with anxiety…And sought help. I discovered that I was dealing with heartbreak, my closest friends moving away, being alone in my city, changing jobs, and the reality that I was almost 30.

I used to have my life so “together”; I knew who I was, what career I wanted, and was confident in my faith in God. Now, none of my friends are around, my ex is no longer in my life, my job is boring, and I am unsure “who or what” God is…Its like Im lost and have no direction. And I cry when old songs come on, or when I think of “the good ole days”.

Im in a new relationship now, am on medication for anxiety, and am progressing in my career, so I think that I am taking baby steps to a “new normal”. But I am still in the thick of my quarter life crisis. If I had any advice to offer, it would be: To be careful who you choose to be around and around you…your experiences with these people can really change your life for the better or the worse. In my case, I spent 3 years with a man who I didnt know was abusive, and now I have developed an anxiety disorder (and a few grey hairs).

I am hopeful that my life will brighten up in the future. Perhaps this crisis will prove to have been necessary to my growth into a happy and productive adulthood. I need to find a new passion…Praying that I will stumble into one soon.
- Paul Angone – All Groan Up
  
  Thank you so much Tenisha for sharing these honest thoughts and your story. Definitely a lot of power there as we reach our breaking points. Here are a few more articles that might be helpful as you process the changes and move forward.
  
  How to Survive Breaking Up With Yourself: http://allgroanup.com/relationshipped/how-to-survive-breaking-up-with-yourself/
  
  The Purpose of Pain: http://allgroanup.com/featured/the-purpose-of-pain/
  
  Your Biggest Fall Might Save Your Life (an unbelievable story from history: http://allgroanup.com/featured/your-biggest-fall-might-save-your-life-an-unbelievable-story-from-history/
Sahithi Parsi

As you said in 25 signs i see so clearly the two roads in front of me but unsure of which one to follow,way too much worried about future and afraid of taking risk.But now i have decided to follow my dreams and not regret later.i will better have faith in the future 🙂 These posts really worked for me.
T.

I felt like I needed to chime in, since my quarter-life crisis (which I didn’t even know happened til after I came back to my senses) also developed to depersonalization disorder, severe depression, and borderline alcoholism (but that’s my fault).
My quarter life crisis started when I was 20. I had just moved out of my parents house to a 3 bedroom apartment with my at-the-time best friend. I got the place furnished with free stuff from friends and relatives and worked as a picker in a warehouse. My problem started when one day I got very nostalgic for music from my youth. I listened to the songs to feel like I was younger. I guess moving out triggered my sense of mortality in having so many responsibilities. I began partying and drinking a lot with friends. Every week I had sex with 3 or 4 different women and drank at least a six-pack a day. I only ate once every couple of days and eventually stopped leaving my apartment. I needed something to feel close to, but a dog or cat was too much for me, so I bought a guinea pig and named her Oxnard. Eventually my roommate moved out on me with three days notice. A week later I lost my job, my grandfather, and my great aunt within 5 days of each other. 2 weeks later I lost my apartment. At this point my life was a dream. I floated through each day without a single care in the world, thinking it didn’t matter, cause one day I would wake up and life would be better. I cried in the mornings when I would realize I wasn’t young anymore.
The only thing that kept me going was that guinea pig. She actually had 2 babies (apparently someone accidentally stuck a male in the females cage at the pet store). I played with them every day, and made sure that I always had clean bedding and healthy food for them despite me living off of tap water and ramen noodles.
A month in to me living at my apartment I bought concert tickets for me and a friend who enjoyed the same nostalgic music I did. The show was coming soon and honestly I planned to kill myself the day after. I couldn’t live anymore. I was about to be homeless and life wasn’t even real anymore and all I wanted was a bottle of liquor and to call it a day.
That concert brought me back to my sense and in just a couple of hours I was happy again. I was smiling. I almost did something stupid because I didn’t reach out to anyone for help.
I now live with my parents and paid off my remaining debts last year. I plan to move again in about 6 months if all goes well. I was homeless for awhile, which caused me to give away my guinea pigs to a 10 year old boy and his parents (I cried for an hour afterward), but I’d like a couple more one day.
My case was pretty extreme. I had a full mental breakdown and it was no joke. If someone you know is around that age and is doing some of the things I’ve briefly described here reach out to them, cause they will not reach out to you. Make them face themselves and help them get through it all. They don’t need a church or a religion, I can promise you they need a friend.
Kathie

I am dying of laughter. I am so incredibly relieved. This article is exactly what I needed… I was THIS close to loosing my mind. But this and the ’25 signs you might be going through a qlc’ was so absolutely correct I could have written it myself… or else… not! Even the music choices are down to the point. I can’t believe it… Thanks a lot! It really helped!
- Paul Angone – All Groan Up
  
  Thanks Kathie! Glad it helped
Nicole Volesky

Thank you for this post, I needed it. When I read “Kill Unmet Expectations” I burst into tears. At 22 I was a College Pastor growing a successful ministry, owned my own house and slept on a plush full size bed; yet at 27 I am a poor college student, with a cat instead of (envisioned) husband, in a tiny apartment sleeping on a twin bed, waking up at ungodly hours to sling coffee to pay the rent while every door to go back into the ministry is slammed in my face for little reason, not knowing what to do or what’s next. I know the people at my church back home talk about me and how they expected more, and sometimes I feel like I’m drowning in my and everyone’s failed expectations. But “Have Faith in Your Future” was a good reminder. I can’t be so hard on myself, it’s okay to be in process, I’m allowed that even if I was perceived to be “more” successful before, it doesn’t mean I’m not successful now, it’s just in a more “covert” way I guess you could call it.

Thanks again for this post, I really needed to hear it.
- Paul Angone – All Groan Up
  
  Amen Nicole!
Helen

It’s nice to see that I’m not the only person going through this.
During my late teens and into my early 20’s I’ve been on a fast track to discovering who I am. I read several leadership and self-help books, watched compelling documentaries, participated in many personal, leadership and spiritual development workshops. By the age of 24 I went from being a student of the world to stepping up in a leadership role as a manager for a personal development company that I believed in, amongst getting married. I’ve been in this role for over a year and a half and have had several breakdowns and breakthroughs. I understand that this is all part of a cycle that is part of something bigger than me and is necessary for me to go through.
As I look back on all these intense emotional and mental bouts of seemingly pure insanity, I’ve noticed that they have been coming in increased intensity and frequency over the past year. A couple days ago, I had another intense meltdown that let me to the point of seeking out support. I’ve looked into what’s called transpersonal therapy; a combination of spiritual therapy and clinical psychology, as well as confiding to small patches of trusted friends.
In ways, that and checking out this blog and seeing the other comments, has led me back to the question of: What do I REALLY want?
This coming back to: I’m fucking 25! Why am I in such a rush to attain “success”? What is success? What have I been working towards? What does this all mean?
Bleh, no wonder I’m going crazy. The simple answer that I have been afraid of saying for fear of disappointing my colleagues (who are btw anywhere from 5-40 years my senior; I am the youngest person working in a managerial role in the company) is that I want to travel the world, go on adventures in nature, not give a fuck with all the responsibilities of being a leader (right now). Yeah, I want to have kids down the line and own a house, yet what is the rush?
Checking into the fact that most of my resentment and insanity has been spurred from unfulfilled aspirations has been such a gift for me.
The next step… biting the bullet and letting my colleagues know what I really want.
Kori

I’m pretty sure I’m going through a quarter life crisis. Thank you for your article. I think my biggest thing is that I need to have hope in my future. Right now I have a case of the new OCD but I have to remind myself that those things that I envy will be in my future, it is just not my timing yet!
Noemie

Thanks for this post! I think the first point is crucial. I see this “crisis” as healthy and reassuring. Our generation want to carve their own path and that’s a promising thing!

There’s an interesting article by Randall S. Hansen offering some guidance to cope with the quarter life crisis, such as develop realistic expectation and cultivate a positive meaning/definition of success: http://www.quintcareers.com/quarterlife_career_crisis.html
Eddie

I have found myself laughing at most of these. Mostly. It rang a hundred bells. This is inspiring enough to destroy this taboo that I am facing right now.
Jimmy

Thanks for this article. I’m 27 and have been thinking about going back for my masters for the past two years, but never went through with it. Whether it be bills to pay or looking for a job, or it just not being the right time, I always had an excuse. I watched a video the other day with steve harvey talking about successful people and how if you want to be successful you have to take “the jump”. I don’t know if it’s the effects of being couped up for three days straight in my house because of Winter Storm Jonas, or just a culmination of events in my life in general, but after reading this article, I’m taking “the jump”. I’ve been looking at schools and finding lots of info on which courses I need to take. In order to find the job that I want, I have to be proactive and take it upon myself to go and do things for myself.
Chloe

I think my husband is suffering from quarter life crisis. I don’t know how to help him besides praying. 🙁
- Paul Angone – All Groan Up
  
  Thanks Chloe for sharing. First reminder: it might be a really good, important season of growth for him. I realized the hard way that there’s something of strange significance that happens to us when we’re stripped of everything we used to depend on.
  
  Keep being there for him as he asks the tough questions. That’s the most important thing you can do.
  
  Then as well, I have many different resources that might help speak some community, hope, and inspiration into it. There are my books 101 Secrets For Your Twenties and All Groan Up: Searching for Self, Faith, and a Freaking Job! bit.ly/101-Secrets
  
  Then as well, this free 3-part video course “Get UnStuck” http://signaturesauce.com/courses/get-unstuck/
Tejas

this post relates to me so much, i feel like im trapped and i am not able fully express myself and my purpose, i constantly worry about whether i have a place in this world where i can live my talents and my purpose, if there is any, how do i find it? also i feel less intelligent than others sometimes and im trying ways to improve my intelligence by reading books etc, but here again comes the worry that when will all this pay off and whether it is really useful or just A WASTE OF TIME ?!! I also feel that if i dont take action right now i may miss something but what action to take!?? I want to think correctly and act correctly and dont wana waste time…..maybe im in a hurry, maybe i have a sense of urgency that life is slippng away and if i dont change myself and go on the correct path, i may fail to create the impact i wana create in this world! how do all these successful people effortlessly find and follow their passions? who guides them? who mentors them? are they luckier than us? how can they have such a clear vision? are they more intelligent? what is it? I dont mind failing again and again and living in adversity and working my ass off as long as there is a clear vision in my mind.!! But as there is no clear vision how the fuck do i tell myself that whatever improvements and changes im trying to make in myself is taking me on the path i truly desire!! HOW DO I BELIEVE IN MYSELF? people tell you should believe in yourself but how the fuck one can believe in himself without clarity?!!!! how do i assure that whatever im believing is not a complete piece of shit? I REALLY WANT SOMEONE TO HYPNOTISE ME AND KICK ME IN THE DIRECTION OF MY PURPOSE AND TRUE CALLING.