One look at my resume and nobody would question whether I am grown up. Maybe my judgment, but not my maturity.

I finished college in 2 ½ years with a B.S. in Biology with honors at the age of 21. Four days after finishing school, I married the woman of my dreams. And yes, she is older than me by 2 years.

Eight months later I started medical school. Fourteen months after getting married the surprise of a lifetime came when my first child was born during my second semester of medical school. In between pharmacology and gross anatomy, we had a baby. We went on to have one more son during my third year of medical school.

After finishing medical school, I entered an orthopedic surgery residency – five more years of training. In residency you work all of the time. Some weeks I logged over 100 hours.

 

 

Somewhere in the middle of the work, we found time to have our third child, a sweet little girl. While most of my peers were either just getting married or having their first child, I was already the father of three.

Since five years wasn’t enough, I chose to do an optional 6^th year called a fellowship. I specialized in sports medicine spending time with the Cincinnati Bengals and the University of Cincinnati Bearcats as one of the team physicians.

When my training was finally completed at the age of 31, we moved back to Louisville and I started my real grown up job. I was practicing surgery on my own without anyone looking over my shoulder. Both the decisions and the consequences were mine. I couldn’t blame anybody else.

Oh, and during that first year of practice we had one more child. Another little girl.

 

My life is the stuff of adulthood. The acceptance of responsibility. A story of having a plan and going for it. And finishing.

 

But despite all of the accomplishments, there was one part of my story which hadn’t matured. I was still living for myself.

 

The Purpose of Growing Up

Just over a year ago I found myself at a leadership conference. Christine Caine, co-founder of The A21 Campaign, a group that fights human trafficking in eastern Europe, was speaking on how we choose to live our lives. She made a statement that I have yet to stop hearing.
 

“The purpose of life isn’t to arrive at death safely.”

 

I found her words to be true. That most of us live for the purpose of ourselves. To make our lives as padded and comfortable as possible. To live stories of ease and comfort.

And I was guilty.

There is nothing wrong with getting a good job. There is nothing wrong with having a good time. But the most mature, and I believe most important, decision everyone one of us can make in this life is to stop living for ourselves and to start living for the good of others.

The key component to this type of maturity is love.

To offer a selfless, sacrificial, unconditional love is the hardest, but bravest thing we can do in our lives. It will look different for everyone. For some it will be in the efforts to develop a large company. For others it is what they do at home.

 

I hope for many it involves walking away from something easy and into something difficult.

 

Like selling everything and moving to Africa. Or helping out at a homeless shelter. Or helping your neighbor mow their lawn.

For me it meant adopting two special needs children from China. For those of you who struggle with math, yes, we have 6 kids. It is hard. Even insane at times.

But choosing to become the father of these two kids is one of the most important works I have ever done in my life. More important than running out on the field of an NFL game to treat an injured player. More important than the money I make. More important than fixing a broken bone.

How do you know if you are grown up? When you say no to yourself and yes to others out of love.