Today All Groan Up welcomes a guest post by Derek Olsen. Enjoy!
Every married couple should talk about money in order to avoid serious trouble down the road.
Some say the most important decision you will make in your life is choosing whom you marry.
I believe that how you choose to treat the person you marry is more important.
You have also heard that financial stress is the number one reason relationships crumble.
How can you treat each other well when it comes to money and strengthen your marriage too?
The answer is simple: Oneness.
When a young couple gets married, they have become one, at least on paper. Becoming ‘one’ in reality requires more than signing some papers, saying I do, and throwing an after party.
Financial oneness is absolutely necessary for the success of your marriage.
- Every married couple can avoid trouble by talking about money
- How you treat your partner is important
- Money is a HUGE part of the success of any marriage
- Oneness is the answer
Oneness means that it is no longer his money and her money, his debt and her debt, his paycheck and her paycheck. Nope, it’s all OURS now.
Each of you will bring financial habits, goals, priorities, savings, debt, and even financial-emotional-baggage into the marriage. How the two of you choose to approach this new financial arrangement will have a widespread effect on your relationship.
You and your partner are not roommates, financially speaking, you are married. You are now ONE. Throw your money together into one giant (or tiny) pile and let’s get busy setting your marriage up for success.
Treat each other well, financially.
When you make a financial decision, however small or large, smart or dumb, your partner will experience the results. The two of you ARE ONE, the goal is to act like it as much as possible.
Some couples think that by keeping their finances separate that they are somehow avoiding this idea of ‘oneness’.
Keeping separate bunks on the same ship won’t allow you and your partner to arrive in two different destinations. You are one and at the end of your journey together you will arrive at the same destination.
The way you treat your partner, financially speaking, will determine that common destination. Strong financial communication will lead both of you to a beautiful destination.
Keeping the change.
Marriage brings on many changes. Many of those changes are easy to see, others are camouflaged.
Financial changes are waiting to be discovered, uncovered, and dealt with. Financial changes aren’t created by uncovering them, there were already there, demanding your attention. Looking the other way or sweeping financial changes under the rug will only make dealing with them more difficult.
Invite those changes into the conversation. Things are different now and that can be a really good thing if you adjust to this new financial way of life. Don’t leave the financial changes out, invite those changes along for the ride. Things have changed, so, keep the changes.
About that talk. (The one that could save your marriage.)
Talk about the positive possibilities that the future holds.
These three simple questions will be enough to get the conversation started.
- The past: How do you feel about your own financial past and about each other’s financial past?
- The now: How are you currently treating each other financially?
- The future: What is that common destination that you are both moving towards?
Have these conversations now. Don’t wait until you find yourself in trouble.
These conversations represent your commitment to oneness, to your future together, and to the success of your marriage. THAT is something to get excited about!
It’s your money and it’s your marriage, give it the time and energy that it deserves.
Let me know how it goes.
Take a look at our monthly budget for a real-life example.
Derek and his wife Carrie encourage married couples to strengthen their marriage through having better conversations on finance. Find them at http://www.derekandcarrie.com.