Don’t Get Married Because You’re in Love


Today All Groan Up welcomes a guest post from Debra Fileta. She is a professional counselor, national speaker, and author of the new book Choosing Marriage. Enjoy!


There’s a disturbing trend that’s sweeping our culture: people getting married because they’re in love.

Now, that may not sound disturbing to you at all. In fact, that may be exactly what you were taught to do.

Maybe it’s what you’ve heard and seen in the couples around you.

Maybe it’s what you’ve read about, and watched on TV.

And maybe, it’s how you’ve approached marriage for yourself.

Because first comes love, then comes marriage.

It’s what songs are made of, and dreams are dreamed.

But what if we’ve got it all wrong? What if our definition of “love” is completely off?

What if our expectations of being “in love” are actually causing more harm than good?

Because just as quickly as you can fall in love, you can fall right back out of love.

Just as quickly as emotions come, emotions can go. When we follow our feelings into marriage, we can also follow our feelings right back out of marriage.


Feelings come, and feelings go, and those who build the foundation of their marriage on how they feel will eventually find their marriage crumbling. It’s easy to follow our hearts, but it takes courage to LEAD our hearts.”- Debra Fileta, Choosing Marriage

It takes courage to lead our hearts into healthy relationships.

It takes courage to lead our hearts into making good choices.

It takes courage to lead our hearts in recognizing the traits and qualities that make a good marriage, and the qualities and traits that do not.

We live in a culture that would rather us have feelings over faithfulness.

Sexual chemistry over compatibility.

Infatuation over integrity.

Attraction over attitude.

Glamour over godliness.

Hotness over humility.

Being in love over choosing to love.

So please, don’t get married just because you’re in love.

Get married because you see the important qualities and traits in someone that will make for an incredible partner, a partner who will faithfully walk by your side through the ups and downs of life, and love you through thick and thin.

Get married, when and only when, you are ready to CHOOSE love. Every single day of your life.

Because that, my friends, is what makes for true love. No matter what Hollywood tells you.


Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of True Love DatesChoosing Marriage, and the creator of the True Love Dates blog where she writes candidly about love, sex, dating, relationships, and marriage.

1 Comment

  1. Tinsae

    That is true.


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