Today All Groan Up is honored to welcome the talented and wise writer Dana Sitar. Anyone who wants to follow their dreams needs to read this post.
No generation has been more encouraged to follow our own path and pursue our dreams than millennials.
The 80s and 90s we grew up in were all about ME, so as grown-ups we’re naturally focused on How can I make MY life/job/existence better? Luckily the internet makes everything seem possible and allows us to be almost anywhere anytime, so twentysomethings are increasingly taking this road-less-traveled and following our dreams.
Awesome. But also…
Motivational articles and books that focus on You can do it! often glaze over how difficult this road is, so I’d like to share some of my honest experience from building my business online and living a nomadic lifestyle around the U.S.
Photo by Sethoscope – Creative Commons
13 Truths Hiding Behind the Curtain
On the other side of leaving your old life behind
is wanting it all back, (just maybe a better version accepted with a wiser heart than you had before).
Following your dreams is realizing everything you’re missing while you go after everything you ever wanted. {Tweet that}
On the other side of being a minimalist
is just wanting to hold something that’s yours. To be in a space no one else will barge into, expect you to leave, or alter as they see fit. To own something of value you can hang on a wall and see every day, not pack in storage for safe-keeping.
On the other side of location independence
is a deep dependence on any small bit of “normal” that touches your life — it might be something healthy like calling your mom every Sunday, or it might be the unhealthy comfort of a bar stool in every town. Either way, you’ll crave it desperately every minute you don’t have it, and when you go just too long without it, you’ll break down into a kind of crazy you didn’t know you had.
On the other side of frugal living
is debt and sacrifice — the stuff people give you that you can never repay, and the stuff you go without because you’re tired of asking for more.
On the other side of independence
is a pervasive loneliness. Whether you have a network of family, friends, and colleagues who stay in touch and send their love or you’re all alone in the desert, eventually living only for yourself by your own rules starts to have low points.
On the other side of living your passion
is a constant hum of uncertainty and insecurity. You’ll never actually know if you’re good enough or if you’re doing any of it right.
On the road less traveled there is a conspicuous lack of guidelines and signposts. {Tweet that}
On the other side of blazing a trail
is leaving everyone behind you. Most of the people you knew don’t want to be on this path, and the ones who do are bound to trail in your footsteps. You’re going to spend a lot of time alone if you want to stay ahead of the herd.
On the other side of finding yourself
is finding that you’re more like your mother, father, sister, aunts, uncles, cousins, and high school classmates than you ever wanted to be. You may not be stay-in-your-hometown-and-work-at-the-bank similar — but maybe you’re not so move-to-California-to-join-a-commune different, either.
On the other side of being 21 and full of possibility and wonder
is turning 29 and hating that you now believe most of what every cynic tried to tell you eight years ago.
On the other side of a road trip
is an inevitable destination. You may be able to skirt “settling down” for now — or forever — but eventually, you’re going to long to know where you’re headed.
On the other side of everyone gushing, “I wish I could do what you’re doing!”
is someone living a stable, warm, well-fed life you dream about while you follow your dreams.
On the other side of creating something epic
is a pile of crap you’re afraid to throw away, in case it’s the best you can do.
On the other side of achieving the impossible
is a niece whose first steps you didn’t see, a dad whose birthday you always miss, and a friend whose wedding you won’t make it to.
But on the bright side…
Well, simply put, it’s worth it. That’s all. Doing it, even if only to learn you don’t want to do it anymore, is still worlds better than never doing it at all.
Plus, you’re not going to listen to this. You’re going to follow your dreams anyway, because you’re young and you’re smart enough to know that I have no idea what I’m talking about. And you’re better off learning all these lessons on your own special path, not vicariously through mine.
We’d love to hear from you in the comments below:
What lesson have you learned while following your dreams?
Dana Sitar (@danasitar) is an author and digital publishing coach in the service of entrepreneurial writers and writerly entrepreneurs. She encourages a community of budding writers to Stop Dreaming and Start (friggin’) Writing at WritersBucketList.com and shares the good and the bad sides of following her own dreams at her after-hours blog BetweenTwoTowns.
This is so spot on! I left home and friends and missed weddings and birthdays and anniversaries as I traveled the country doing service with AmeriCorps. I am currently living in an abandoned SAMs Club in Colorado for goodness sake (so glamorous)… I sometimes don’t remember why I did this crazy year, but it is because I didn’t want to settle down yet; I wanted to be different; I wanted my adventure. But you know what I figured out through all of this? I am ready for a more normal existence now, some of my own stuff, my own space. I found my next adventure, but it looks a lot less adventurous to the untrained eye. I don’t always know why I had to do this year of service with all its highs and lows, but in the pit of my stomach I know it was good.
Samantha – Wow! That *is* an adventure! I’ve bookmarked your blog so I can read about it. I love that you call settling down your “next adventure” — that is SO the way to look at it! Taking a crazy year to try something weird and deciding to settle down afterwards doesn’t mean trying something weird was a bad idea — it was just right for *that* year. And who knows what your next adventure after settling down might be 🙂
I’m currently in my second year of teaching English in China and I’m caught in the terrible dilemma of deciding whether to stay here-for one more year or forever-or to go back to the USA and do…who knows what. Old friends and family on the other side are bugging me to return, but the longer I stay here the deeper my new connections grow, and I know it will eventually get to the point that even I don’t understand where “home” really is, or what I’m meant to do. Do I make a career out of teaching? Do I settle down overseas (that’s such a relative term) or go back to the motherland out of the same sense of adventure and uncertainty that made me leave in the first place? I’m fulfilling my dream here, but it’s killing me at the same time, and every one of the points above is dead-on.
Lucas – I understand that feeling! The physical distance is a lot greater than I’ve experienced, though, which I imagine makes the decision even tougher. Have you considered splitting your time between the two countries (or others)? Maybe you don’t have to give up your connection to either place in order to satisfy your longing for home and for adventure.
You have no idea what you just did for me ☺ I am 25 and have a young child. I am a model and currently making over $60,000 a year and just never really thought about settling down. I want a boyfriend and someone to care about, someone to come home to but just too selfish right now and dont apologize for it. I think at my age I should be doing everything possible to fulfill every dream I’ve ever had with no time limit. I want to start a clothing line, skin care and build my brand. These things get me excited and anticipate waking up each day. I’ve been thinking maybe I should settle down soon so I won’t be older and lonely but you showed me that I can’t have everything. There are going to be something’s that I’m going to miss but I’d rather that then never knowing how far i could’ve gotten fulfilling my dreams.,,, thank you soooooo much!
Thank you for this 🙂 I’m happy to encourage you to go for what feels right. Realizing you can’t usually have it both ways is a tough pill to swallow, but when I figured that out, the stress of TRYING to have it both ways was completely relieved. Best wishes on your own path!
I took every chance I could get, I “blazed a trail” for myself in my early 20s. I left home, I left friends. I made new ones, I fell in love. I had no regrets. I kept doing this, over and over again, because I wanted to. And then one day, it just felt like I HAD to, the want was no longer there…but everyone else (blogs, friends) was telling me that I still had to, that settling now would be a waste. So this time, despite actually being happy with my small town and my routine and my local grocery store, I flew across the ocean, again, to a big city with multiple grocery stores and a million people. And I hated it. I wanted to go home. People thought I was crazy and told me to stick it out, that this was the best thing that could happen. But I went home. And I am so damn glad I did, because that small town, that local grocery store, that 9-5 job, this “tiny” but happy place is suiting me just fine. So thanks for this post – thank you to all the other bloggers who DO write about making it big on your own, but even more kudos to the 1/10 who speak for the “normal” people. I was not “normal” before, but now I am, and I wear that title with pride.