There I was, pouring my heart out to an incredibly wise woman mentor of mine.
My life was going nothing as planned.
And the frustration I was feeling inside was boiling over to “scald everyone in my general vicinity” kind of levels.
This was not supposed to be my life. But I couldn’t figure out what to do about it.
This wise woman just sat back and listened to me vent.
Then she took a deep breathe and gave me one of those “If only you could see the truth” kind of smirks.
I expected her to respond with advice on being content, no matter the circumstances. Or how I needed to suck it up and just work harder.
Instead she shocked me with this advice:
“I’m so glad you’re frustrated! If you weren’t frustrated, then I’d be worried.”
What? She was glad I was feeling frustrated?! I couldn’t believe it.
Then she continued:
This frustration is forcing you to look honestly at your life. Now, the real question is — what are you going to do with this frustration?”
What are you going to do with this frustration?
That’s THE question. A question that changed my life.
What Are You Going to Do With Your Frustration?
Sure, frustration can be a complete jerk.
It won’t sit there cross-legged, all polite and quiet-like.
No, frustration will gnaw at your insides.
But that’s why we need it sometimes.
Frustration can be the best guide in leading you where you need to go.
The biggest problem isn’t the frustration we’re feeling.
Our biggest problem becomes when we don’t listen to what that frustration is trying to tell us.
Or we know what the frustration is about, but then we try to medicate it away.
Or we just distract ourselves from the frustration with busyness, entertainment, or drama.
That’s what too many of us do. And that’s where too many of us stay.
So what’s the best thing we can do with this frustration?
The Best Thing to do with Frustration
Sit there in it. Take a breath. And allow yourself to be frustrated.
Then start asking yourself questions about why you’re frustrated.
- Do I have soul values that are in conflict with the part of my life that’s bringing me anxiety?
- Is there a relationship in my life that feels like a “hangry” raccoon is tied to my ankle? What do I do about it?
- What do these problems and pains in my life reveal to me about my purpose?
- What is my next best step towards making a change?
- Who will I not be able to help if I give up now?
These are the questions that helped me meet my frustration head on and make changes in my life.
These are the kind of questions that helped me escape the cubicle for five years running now.
These questions helped me publish three books and speak around the nation full-time, all while making my own schedule and spending tons of quality time with my three kids.
These are the kind of questions that make up my new book 101 Questions You Need to Ask in Your Twenties (and Thirties).
Questions to help you get unstuck and do something with that frustration. Questions about your career, your dreams, your relationships, and your purpose.
These questions are also in my Finding Your Signature Sauce online course, with 10 video teaching modules from me and interviews with other amazing creators, influencers, and entrepreneurs.
(The course that I’m giving away for free, along with other goodies, if you buy my new book in the next two days. Snag 101 Questions here and send me the confirmation at [email protected] to receive all the free stuff. Only two days left).
Do Something With Your Frustration
The best way to relieve frustration is to dive headfirst right into it.
Frustration is telling you the problem and asking you to find a solution — a real solution that gets to the heart of the problem.
Let frustration cattle prod you toward your future.
Let the frustration of “This is not where I want to be” motivate you to keep moving forward.
Most inventions and innovations begin with frustration, as it forces you to find a better way, if you’ll let it.
Don’t let your frustration take you down, tackle it head on.
Tackle this frustration in community. Tackle this frustration with guides to help you overcome. Don’t try to do this alone. It’s too hard and too exhausting.
That’s why I’m so excited about my new book 101 Questions You Need to Ask because it’s the best way I can help guide you.
I’m also thinking of opening a private Facebook community for people who buy the book, that I will jump in as well, so that we can wrestle with these questions together. If you’re interested in this, let me know.
Go ahead. Be frustrated. Then do something productive about it.
Ask good questions about what your frustration is telling you.
Then ask, “what’s my next best step towards making a change?”
I’ve been amazed and honored at what the first readers are already saying about 101 Questions You Need to Ask in Your Twenties (and Thirties). Check them out here.
Remember, only two days left to snag a copy of the book and be entered to win amazing prizes. Email me your proof of purchase to [email protected] before Tuesday, April 10th. Grab your copy of the book here.
I feel absolutely frustrated. Im 21 going to be 22 later this year, have a two year basic associate’s degree, live at home and dont have my own car.
I currently have a job most people would say I have no right to complain about- I work as a full time library aide in an elementary school (I shelve books, look up their availability, and scan them in and out)- with benefits and pay slightly above min.wage- but the work is very unfilling, dead end, with no room for growth and because I don’t get paid in the summer I will be without income for about 3 months. My parents say I’m being too unappreciative of the job and what’s worse is they expect me to stay there for the rest of my life. But I know If I stay there I will become a worse version of myself and eventually probably go insane- probably. I never wanted to work with elementary students (discovered about myself in education 101 class in college) but when life hands you limited job options you take what you can get.
On top of that, I have no friends and a real fear of being alone- as all my friendships I ever attempted to have all ended due to 1- catty girls or 2-I found out my “friends” were being friends with me because they felt bad for me.
I would finish my degree but I want to study history or film- but those are two of the most wasteful topics to get a degree in and honestly believe I would be stuck in the same position now, had I had one.
My biggest dreams are to travel and write (I write my own film blog)- maybe even one day write a coffee table book.
Sorry this turned into a rant. Do I even have a right to feel this way??
Thanks Emily for sharing a piece of your story with us. I know many of us can relate to those feelings of frustration. For me, the place where I made the most progress is when I worked really hard at my job and dream at the same time.
My job feeding me while I worked at my dream. And my dream feeding me while I worked at my job.
I was learning some skills at my jobs, while also learning perseverance, humility, and fortitude to really press into what I really wanted so that I wouldn’t stay there. That’s the key. What proactive steps can you keep taking to make sure you don’t stay there. Then light will start appearing in all the dark and dusty corners.
I have been very frustrated too lately. I found your book All Groan Up at my local Ollie’s Bargain Outlet last week. I’m so glad I did as your work is very relatable and inspiring. I am 25 years old and after college still live at home. Can barely find a minimum wage job that is not toxic in my hometown. I need to find a great job here to buy a car to get back to school but opportunity is scarce. I have been able to find mostly temporary jobs. Even worked on a cruise ship for a temporary housekeeper contract versus seasonal retail holiday work to end last year. Last year seemed promising with me achieving my three life goals or dreams 1. Getting closer to the career I want 2. Finding a great man to marry 3. Having my own family. I thought I would go into travel or hospitality work to start as I also entertained other fields. I met quite a bit of interested guys and wanted something serious that could lead to a family. Everything fell through. I feel like I was left with flames saying What the hell? Less faith, hope, trust, belief these days than this time last year, than in a long time (years). I never saw it coming. A series of disappointments especially ending out last year and going into this one. So many back to back discouraging. So frustrating.
Thanks Nicole for sharing a piece of your story with us. I know I can relate to that feeling of life not turning out like we thought it would. But now I look back at all the dead-ends and break-ups that I thought were going to break me in two, and now realize that they made me stronger and led me down the path I needed to be on. The key is getting as intentional as you guy and start asking yourself good questions about what you really want and how you’re going to start taking steps to get there. It’s not a quick process, but you’ll make more progress than you ever realized you could. Thanks again!
I am very frustrated. I’m 18 years old and trying to find a tutoring job, but it’s very difficult. It’s a difficult process and sometimes I don’t even hear from them. I also cannot drive a car.