What will you do when you grow up? Our whole lives we’ve been asked this one question. How do we find the answer?
As kids, the answer was easy. A football player. A fire fighter. A ballerina, doctor, politician, lawyer, or President of the USA.
We all had our answer concerning some far off world — where all our dreams and talents converged into the rest of our amazing adult lives.
When I was a kid and my Aunt asked me about Future Adult Paul, I confidently told her I was going to play professional baseball for the Colorado Rockies. But I was a bit of a realist even then, so I had a Plan B. If baseball didn’t work out, I told her I planned on winning the lottery. She laughed, and laughed, and laughed.
What was so funny?
As We Grow Up
College comes and goes and we begin to realize. We start figuring the odds. We see how many people want the same dream. How many people can dance more gracefully, swing the bat better, solve the problem quicker. Our childhood dreams become just that — dreams, no longer able to breathe in this stuffy adult world. To settle or not to settle becoming the crux question of our twenties.
Your Aunt asks what you’re going to do, this time at your college graduation party.
This time, you don’t know what to tell her.
“So what do you do?” It’s our conversation starter. Our flint. We hope it sparks a picture of this person. What job is you? A tough answer when your job, or lack of job, is anything but.
We are a culture of doers. Of accomplishers — of titles — of my car is faster than yours. My Facebook profile shines and sparkles with more gold medals and blue ribbons — and you should go ahead and commence feeling jealous.
However is what do you do even the right question? Is our calling on this earth just about what we do? Or is it more?
“Maybe instead of asking what will you do, we should be asking what are we going to be when we grow up? Not what are we going to do, what profession are we going to follow or keep on following, what niche are we going to occupy in the order of things. But are we going to be – inside ourselves and among ourselves?” Fredrick Buechner
We are obsessed with doing. What about our being? Apart from any label, any name tag you might slap across your chest. As we grow up we will wear many suits, some will fit better than others. But when we’re doing nothing worth bragging about, who will we be? Maybe that should be the question.
Anyone else have a disparity between what you thought you’d be doing and what you are? Thoughts?
A friend of mine once told me about how when you are young your brain relies more upon your imagination and you dream better and think about the future more broadly. Whereas as you get older your brain relies more upon memory and recall and slowly you dream less and your thoughts about the future narrow. It sounds like you are interested in living in the tension between dreaming big, while staying grounded and disciplined on accomplishing your dreams. Keep telling your story!
I absolutely love that quote Paul. It particularly strikes a chord with me this week because it’s similar to what Francis Chan encourages in his new book, Forgotten God. He makes the argument that in our churches we focus so much doing and not on being. His challenge really made me think this week. Not only can this idea of “being” be applied to our vocation, it can also be applied to how we live every moment of our life. Am I going to be in communion today with the Holy Spirit? Am I going to let Him lead my emotions, my actions, my words? Or am I going to do it all on my own?
To answer your question- for a few years in my twenties I really struggled with what I was doing with what I thought I’d be doing. Now I know I’m right where I’m supposed to be. 🙂
I think about that all the time. When and/or if I attain my dream job, will it really change who I am? I think I get caught up in the hope that I will be a better person when I have all this settled and figured out. When I’m finally not scraping by and have my ultimate job…
Screenwriter? Sure. When I am a successful screenwriter I will have all my problems figured out, all my wrinkles in my personality and morale will be ironed out. But I think you’re right, the focus shouldn’t be on where I’m going, or when I’m going to ever freaking get there, but who I’m going to be when I do, and more importantly…who I am in now. Good stuff, Paul.
This reminds me of the commencement speech I heard at my graduation. The speaker emphasized that it is not the verbs that are so important but the adverbs — not what we do but how we do it. I confess that I am often most anxious about what I am doing rather than how I am doing it. It’s not that I could care less for quality, it’s just that I want to do awesome things.
Ultimately, I think that pursuing something we do instead of someone we are is tiring. Doing something well seems to be much more attainable than doing something impressive, or flashy, or awesome. It is a sad day when the hats we wear become of more concern than the heads they rest on.
You’re exactly right Rob. And let me tell you, you are a guy who is doing it well.
Love that line from your dad. How do dad’s have so many sweet sayings?
I’m definitely guilty of caring more about what I do than who I am. Its hard not to these days. Growing up it was important to me that I got that golden sticker by my name or made the National Honor Society, not because I received those due to my character and integrity but because it gave me something to brag about, something to set me apart from my other classmates. So now I can’t help but look over at the guy I’m sitting in traffic with and wonder, “have I accomplished more than that guy?”
Micah, I think that I am way better than everyone else in traffic, but that is a different problem.
I am a doer. Sometimes I hope that life is more about doing than being … but doing is easier than being. Being requires reflection, substance, depth, and character. Sometimes we just keep doing to mask what we are being.
Just to throw another concept into the mix … I recently heard a popular 60’s phrase: “Becoming is better than being.” It hints at the process … and I like it.
As one who is currently trying to figure out what I am going to ‘do’, I can attest that our culture indeed tells us that who we ‘are’ is wrapped up in what we ‘do’. I agree Paul, that it would be so refreshing to not focus on doing, and start being. The hard part is the little thing called life. What I mean by that can best be painted by an example from one of my favorite movies, Office Space. When Peter was asked what he would ‘do’ with a million dollars he responds ‘nothing, I would do absolutely nothing’ The friend responds ‘heck man, you don’t need a million bucks to do that.’ Peter just wanted ‘to be’ he was sick of ‘doing’. But he also realized that he needed to take care of pay the mortgage, eat, fill his car with gas, have medical insurance, ect ect. Life gets in the way and puts this enormous pressure on us to ‘succeed’, ‘climb the ladder’, and have a white picket fence while we are at it. How do we fix it? How do we shift the focus from doing to being? No clue here!? Prayer.? Move to Gautamala? What do you think?
Your last question was missing the word “doing” at the very end. It should read, “Anyone else have a disparity between what you thought you’d be doing and what you are *doing.” When you ask “….what you are” it implies what I am doing is what “I am.” Therin lies the difference, what I am doing does not make up who I am. I am certain you agree with me here and you probably think I am beating you up for leaving out one measly word, but that one word helps me make a point. Using careers for self-enhancement, meaning, and self-worth will only leave us feeling insignificant, insecure, or living with an inflated ego for those that are high-achievers. No matter where we look we will always find people one rung higher on the ladder and one rung lower on the ladder than us. There is a reason we are called “human beings” and not “human doings” and disconnecting my career from who “I am” will lead me away from the despair that comes for a mediocre performance review, a crappy job responsibility, or a lack of job all together.
To actually answer the question; I do property taxes for an oil company and it’s the sexiest job a guy could ask for; chicks love me because of it. But, what I am is a son of the most high, saved by Jesus’ blood, complete in him.
Matthew 3:17 is one of my favorite verses because it awakens me to God’s love for me despite my successes (or failures). EVEN BEFORE JESUS BEGAN HIS MINISTRY, EVEN BEFORE HE HEALED ONE PERSON, EVEN BEFORE HE WALKED ON WATER, EVEN BEFORE HE CAST OUT DEMONS, GOD PROCLAIMED, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” God is pleased with us for US, is pleased with me for ME; not my career, not my accomplishments, not my failures. He was pleased with Jesus long before he did a thing and he is pleased with me long before I do a thing that I think will make him or me happy.
I want a nifty profile pic too!!!
I discovered the answer to this question a year ago right after finishing the nerve-racking process of negotiating the purchase of my first house: when I grow up I want to be confident.
That’s it.
No matter what I’m doing and what my goal of the moment is, I want to live a life where every experience makes me more and more confident in who I am and who I want to be.
Love that idea. It’s a lifetime process of entering into who you are, not necessarily what you are. The sweet spot is when we are operating from that place no matter what the role.
I truly love the message behind this. The emphasis that our teachers put on us as children and teenagers to find a career that we would enjoy, stems a lot from the old days when straight out of high school, you get a job and stay in that job forever. Whether you liked it or not.
Nobody asked us who we were going to be or whether we would be truly passionate about it – they focused on a career oriented goal.
So I think it’s time we started figuring out who we are before we ever figure out what we’re going to be. 🙂
Great article!
Extremely well said Morgan. Thank you. It’s a freeing realization that I’m still trying to implement fully in my life