ME, MYSELF, AND I’M SICK OF IT

Today’s guest article comes to us from the always hilarious Erin Whitehead – a writer, blogger and comedian in Los Angeles. Read more from Erin at www.onlinedatingsites.net or follow her on Twitter @girlwithatail.

I’m at that point in my relationship with myself where I need to break up with me.  You guys know what I’m talking about.  Sometimes, no matter how much you want something to work out, you just can’t force it.  I guess the signs have been there for a while but I just wasn’t ready to see them.  I mean, when I first started dating myself I liked a whole lot of the things that now seem, well, unhealthy.  The hard part is going to be telling myself.  I wish I could get out of this without anybody, including me, getting hurt.  Ha, wishful thinking I guess.

Photo by Oliver - Creative Commons

The thing is, I’ve always had a lot in common with myself.  I really used to love staying in, opening a bottle of wine, putting in some movie about saving the world or quirky people falling in love or the ebola virus and making a cozy night out of it.  But lately I want more.  I want to have people over and go out.  But it doesn’t matter what I want to do because I always end up staying in!  And sure, I could make the argument that I end up having a good time once I’m settled in for the night – but what about what I want?

Plus, lately, I’ve kind been thinking about seeing other people.  At first I was cruising online dating sites on the sly because I figured what I don’t know couldn’t hurt me.  But then I felt like I was lying to myself and that just felt wrong.  I feel bad because I really do like me!  I still think I’m fun, and I make pretty hilarious comments during bad movies, and when I really listen to myself and the things I dream of and want, they’re not that different from my own.  But even if we make an agreement – and we have – that tomorrow will be different, that I’ll finally have a say in what we do, nothing ever changes.  I end up wanting to stay home and be depressed and then I feel awful.  It’s just not working anymore.

I remember the good times.  One Valentines Day we stayed in alone and watched five movies and we wrote some really great tweets that night!  I remember when we first moved in together, just us, and how we thought we’d never get tired of coming home to only each other.  Now as soon as I pull in my parking space and see that I’m home I get a little resentful.

I’m gonna have to do it.  I might be sad but it’s about what I need, not what’s easy in the moment.  I mean I could waste away all alone with only myself to blame if I keep going like this and that’s not fair to anyone – especially me.   I mean, you have to love yourself before you can love someone else right?  It’s time to take care of me for a change.  I just hope I’ll understand.

Photo Credit: Oliver via Creative Commons