No one thinks, “I’m going to be married…and divorced…all in my 20’s”. But it’s happening and we need to talk about it. This is such a needed guest-post — full of honesty, heart and hope. Please pass this article on to others going through a similar situation. Thank you Fabulous and Flawed for sharing with us your story.
How does it feel to be twenty-something and divorced?
If you would have asked me that when I married in early 2005, I would have told you to ask someone else. I knew in the deepest part of my being that I would never know this feeling. That may seem like the cheesiest way to put it, but if you search this entire website, you will find a common theme: Life has twists and turns that we can never anticipate. Most of us “emerging adults” can agree and I am no exception.
I turned 29 this year and my twenty something emergent adult self is rounding the corner to the “you are almost thirty and your life still has not turned out the way you planned” phase. The biggest surprise for me was in 2010 when my marriage fell apart. And, I am sad to say that I am not alone.
THE DREAM LED HERE?
I was the first of my friends to get married. I could not wait for the days of reunions, family BBQs, and children’s birthday parties. I was just waiting on my friends to catch up with me. The irony in all of this is that my separation came only days after attending a wedding for one of my best friends and only months before the other one got engaged. My friends were finally getting married and I was rounding the corner to divorce. I did not know anyone in my same situation. Sure, I had a handful of friends who had parents that had been married once before like a lifetime ago….but that was not the same thing. Or was it? This question cut so deeply and frankly still does.
Could this have been a starter marriage? Will I have a family one day and this marriage will be nothing but a memory? I had intended for my marriage to last a lifetime. The thought of it being reduced down to a lifetime ago, feels similar to choking on your own heart.
As a child, I had one dream and that was to be the best wife and mother I could be. I would find a quiet man who was trustworthy and faithful and we would love and laugh until our lives ended. Never did I imagine that I would find out my husband was having a three year affair. Never did I imagine that I would encounter such heartache. Heartache that broke me, my marriage, and my faith down to the deepest, rawest, and most lifeless parts of their existence. The cut was deep and wide, the wound was raw, and the pain was deadening.
I have a lot to say about this subject. You can look forward to hearing my take on the process of divorce, recovery, and life again thereafter. Trust people when they say divorce is a process. I am no attorney, so I do not mean the legal process. I am talking about the forgiveness, healing, and moving on process (es). Also, does the grocery store really need two sections of frozen food….family or single? Really, like we needed another reminder.
But do remember this; if you find yourself faced with divorce in your 20’s, you are not alone. That might not be reassuring now, but neither is my next point….you will recover. If you have not already, watch the movie Under the Tuscan Sun. There is a line in the movie when Diane Lane’s character says the worst part about divorce is that the pain does not actually kill you. Just as getting married, finding a job, having children, and/or buying a house in your twenties should not define you, neither should being divorced.
~ Fabulous and Flawed